Rebel Dialect By Sean Dietrich

Mexican restaurants are one of my favorite things about Florida. We have more of them than any state – except Texas. There is, however, one drawback venturing into these colorful cantinas with my wife, and it has to do with her dialectal interpretation of the English language. My wife, who grew up in Brewton, Alabama, […]

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Fiber of Being By sean dietrich

For our vacation, my wife, Jamie, took it upon herself to ensure our two-person family exceeded the daily fiber quantum recommended by the American Heart Association. “Ain’t nothing worse than being backed-up on a vacation,” she warned. Her weapon against blockage was crackers. Special crackers so packed with fiber that the Quaker Oats man himself must’ve […]

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Hurricane Katrina By Sean Dietrich

We went to a wedding this past weekend. A woman named Katrina O’Murphy was there. When I saw her sitting across the chapel, I was catapulted back to a traumatic fifth-grade. “That woman is evil,” I whispered to Jamie. “She made my pre-pubescent life a living hell.” “Oh please,” Jamie said. “That’s what little girls […]

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Break a Leg by sean dietrich

Jamie and I sat in the seafood shack eating crab claws, looking out at the serene water. However, it was difficult to enjoy our platters of crab due to the tableful of small children behind us. They fussed and carried on, shouting over one another in frenzied voices. Then, one of the children was seized […]

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The Methodist Shipwreck By Sean Dietrich

I remember my first shipwreck. It occurred in the lake behind the Methodist church, at the Fourth of July celebration, when I was fifteen. It took some convincing on Andrew’s part to peel me away from the punch table at the party, where I was busy demonstrating my newly acquired mail-order turkey-call for Charlotte Watkins and […]

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Marina Living by sean dietrich

I have spent my fair share of time in marinas. Mostly, as one of the lower crumbs of the nautical society, floating in a dinghy. Marinas are filled with every demographic you could hope to imagine. Everyone from princes with oil-fields in Egypt, down to Carl, who weighs a buck-twenty, has a long smelly beard, and lives aboard an eighteen-foot clunker. Still, most […]

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Payday by sean dietrich

Fort Pickens, Pensacola is a secluded beach, with no manmade eyesores to break up the desert-like wasteland. Miles of pristine beaches are framed by bright azure Gulf water, and there is nary a high-rise condo to be seen by the naked eye. Fort Pickens’ beach is miles away from civilization, where no one can find you, ask you how […]

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The Very Top Shelf by sean dietrich

I saw two boys in Walmart desperately trying to reach for something on the top shelf in the juice aisle. They jumped up and down swinging their arms at at the rack, grunting. “Howdy,” I said. “Can I help you, what is it that you need from up there?” “I need the tomato juice,” he pointed. The […]

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Old Ellie by sean dietrich

My dog Ellie Mae loved the water more than any living creature that I’d ever met, with the exception of my sister, with the exception of the enormous redfish I caught last week. I’ve always found it an inspiring thing, to see a dog so at home on the water. Occasionally, Ellie Mae spends the night onboard my sailboat […]

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Combining Things by sean dietrich

  When I was eighteen, my mother sent me to go live with my uncle Baldwin and his wife Rhonda for the spring and summer. My uncle Baldwin and aunt Rhonda lived on a beautiful farm out in the middle of nowhere. The farm was nearly perfect, the only minor exception being that it was isolated from […]

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