Simple As Biscuits by sean dietrich

Jamie makes biscuits whenever we’re on vacation. It’s a tradition. She makes them by hand. But they’re a lot more than biscuits. See, when we first married, Jamie was fresh out of culinary school. A bonafide chef. Her culinary interest had even taken her overseas. Part of her New Orleans education included time in Southern […]

• • •

Who You Calling Shrimp? by sean dietrich

I liked shrimp eight months before I was born. I’m serious. My mother claims she craved two things while pregnant with me: zucchini and shrimp. The cravings didn’t go away after I was born. Those are still her favorite foods. And they’re my favorite foods too. We’re a lot alike, me and Mother Growing up in […]

• • •

Travels with Mary by sean dietrich

Traveling with Jamie’s mother is a treasured experience. The thing about mother-in-laws is they have needs. Lots of needs. And their needs rank higher than yours. It’s only right. Try to remember, they’ve been alive longer than you. Long enough to have grown particular about these needs. Everything must be done in a specific way. […]

• • •

Stuck by sean dietrich

Yesterday, was one of the hottest days ever recorded. It was a perfect day to get stuck in the bay with a dog. A dog who lacks basic patience. Let me back up. I’ve been stuck in the Choctawhatchee Bay a lot. So many times, it doesn’t even surprise Jamie anymore. Or me. The first […]

• • •

Fishing Deere by sean dietrich

I could hear her sputtering down the road. It sounded like she was riding a residential lawnmower. I squinted into the distance. That’s exactly what she was riding. She wore a bikini top and had a cigarette balanced between her lips. Three fishing rods dangled from the back of the dilapidated John Deere. She rolled up […]

• • •

Danger

Yesterday, I found a book at the flea-market. The Pocket Dangerous Book for Boys. I had to buy it, because Danger is my maiden name. The truth is, I have a few things I’d like to add to the book. For example: when a boy’s wife asks how she looks in a pair of purple […]

• • •

Attention Grabber by sean dietrich

More than anything, my dog Ellie Mae wants my attention. She lives for it. If she’s not getting it, she’ll reorganize our waste basket with her teeth. These days, everyone wants more attention. Not just dogs. Apparently, it’s a researched thing. One researcher calls it, “…the phenomenon of narcissistic-social-media infatuation.” I found that quote on […]

• • •

Tux by sean dietrich

The day of my wedding I woke up hungry. Deathly hungry. By lunchtime, it was life threatening. I got a bacon cheeseburger, two orders of fries, and a milkshake to-go. Then, I parked on the beach and wolfed it down. I noticed my hands were shaking. I glanced at the tuxedo hanging in the backseat […]

• • •

Feminine Side by sean dietrich

Doctors aren’t perfect. Last week, my doctor prescribed me a women’s fertility medication by accident, instead of an antibiotic. No joke. But it wasn’t his fault. His office accidentally called in the wrong prescription. The first day on the meds: I noticed I had a stronger sense of smell. Second day: I was a little […]

• • •

Turkey in the Straw by sean dietrich

They shot him in his right armpit. In Le Havre, France. They awarded him the Purple Heart for it. No one knows how he got wounded under his arm. And he wouldn’t explain it either. The Army whisked him away to a hospital in Italy, and left him to heal. There, he spent his days […]

• • •
1 2 3 23