Sassafras by sean dietrich

We were eating at the Donut Hole, the little girl in the booth behind us was smitten with me. She couldn’t stop asking things like, “Is that your real nose? It looks fake,” or “Why’re you eating french fries, don’t you know they’re high in Klomessterol?” Jamie assured me that my nose did indeed look authentic […]

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Charlie by Sean dietrich

I‘m going to call him Charlie, but that’s not his real name. I met him a few days ago, standing in the drizzle, holding a soggy cardboard sign that read, “Hungry.” “I’m a veteran man,” said Charlie. “Never thought I’d be here, in the rain, without shit to eat. I can feel my ribs, little […]

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Bulbous by sean dietrich

I stood on a ladder, repairing a broken light socket. Modern electrical wisdom recommends first disconnecting the electricity for such matters, ensuring complete safety. Be as it may, I find such practices to be time consuming and bothersome, I simply turned the light switch to the off position, and went to work. I despise fix-it […]

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Island of Dreams by sean dietrich

The following story is true. Yesterday morning, I went sailing. The gusts were clocked at three miles per hour, that’s slightly less velocity than Betty White with a bad case of gas. Under such conditions, I should’ve stayed home and cleaned the syrup that spilled in the refrigerator, but I wasn’t going to let common […]

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501s by sean dietrich

Yesterday, I came home to find a brand new pair of Levi jeans on the dining table. I was touched to discover that my wife had taken it upon herself to buy a pair of Classic Bootcut 501s for me. See, like many men in my demographic, all I wear are Levi 501s. They are […]

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You Have Each Other by sean dietrich

The young couple in front of me ordered their drinks at the Starbuck’s counter, but it was apparent they didn’t have enough money to complete their transaction. The young man dug around in his pockets. It made me smile. The couple reminded me of when Jamie and I first got married. Those were lean times, we’d […]

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The Ballgame of Life by sean dietrich

My wife walked through the door with a bag of groceries in her arms. I was diligent on the sofa, entangled in an exciting baseball game. My greeting to her was a mere flick of the wrist. “Have you been sitting there all day?” she asked. “Honey, this ballgame ain’t just going to win itself.” […]

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Blue Eyes Crying by sean dietrich

I have a memory of my father sitting in his workshop after work, in his denim, sipping from a longneck bottle, listening to “Blue Eyes Crying in the Rain.” Another: Christmas, as a boy, I received a pair of slacks, a fishing pole, and an album, “Always On My Mind.” I listened to that thing until […]

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Trendy by sean dietrich

I went to the grocery store to purchase vinegar, caramel ice cream, and razor blades. When I asked Jamie what the razor blades were for, she told me it had something to do with my forgetting to take out the trash. The caramel ice cream was all my idea. At the store, I stood before a wall […]

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Duke’s by sean dietrich

For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a sincere love of mayonnaise. There are, however, limits to how far mayo should be allowed to voyage. When I was sixteen, I dated a girl who had a strange secret; she used mayo on everything from bananas to peanut butter sandwiches. She even dipped her […]

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