Eight Feet Tall

In the checkout line before me stood a boy. Not just a boy. A growing boy, he must’ve been eight feet tall, weighing in at a-buck-ten. Sopping wet. He was a tower. If he were to fall down he’d be halfway home. One thing about growing boys: sometimes they need peanut butter. This, I know […]

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The Manager

It was late. I was somewhere between Milton and Crestview when I stopped at a Mexican restaurant. It was a rundown place, with two cars in the parking lot.My waitress was a Mexican sweetheart. A woman in her sixties, only twenty-six inches high. She looked tired, like she’d worked long hours – for years. Somehow, […]

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Berrydale

Off Highway Eighty-Seven, just before the Florida border, is a service station in Berrydale. If you’ve never been to Berrydale, you don’t know what you’re missing. It’s a town of about four hundred residents. Most keep their fridges on the back porch, and burn their trash in an oil drum. Good folks. The service station […]

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Elementary Talent Show

Last night I was invited to judge the Shalimar Elementary talent show with two friends. We were supposed to be an esteemed panel of judges, but I showed up in flip flops. I didn’t get the text about neckties. We watched children on stage give it their best. We saw choreography, drum playing, singing and […]

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Shrimp Boil

My wife and I ate crab and shrimp with our nephews Luke, Seals, and Finlay. That evening I learned a few things about the basics of life from them. For instance, did you know Batman has too many muscles? I didn’t either. My nephew Luke informed me that such a physique is intangible and ridiculous. […]

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Janice

She was the loud talking girl in school, Janice was. The teachers had to tell her to hush, over and over again. But she didn’t know how to do that. And she would never learn how. When she was older, she got married. Moved away. She got tired of working crummy jobs and decided to […]

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Take a Challenge

Jamie challenged me to write something that absolutely no one will care about. I told her, “Easy, I can do that blind-folded, with my hands tied behind my back. Watch me.” It goes like this: as a boy, I had a hamster. Bud Abbot was his name. He was a cute hamster, brown with white spots. […]

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Parking Lost

I walked out of Publix, unable to remember where I parked my truck. It was nowhere to be seen in the parking lot. This happens to me all the time. In fact, I’m not even bothered by it anymore. I’m as senile as my old grandaddy was. He was nothing if not forgetful, but he […]

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Mother-in-law

I carried Jamie’s mother around town for some errands. I noticed she was a little sleepy. I helped her into the passenger seat of the car and buckled her seatbelt. By the time we exited the driveway, Mary was already out like a lamp. When we arrived to the hardware store, I tried to rouse her from […]

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Old Frames

I looked at the framed photos in the Martin family hallway. Old pictures of Jamie, her brother and her sister. There’s also one disturbing photograph of Jamie’s great grandaddy as a toddler – wearing a dress. I’m mesmerized by that one. “Oh, help!” came the cry from the bedroom. It was Miss Mary, my mother-in-law. She […]

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