I receive a lot of feedback from this column in the form of letters, emails, serious legal threats, etc.
Most of the time I try to answer these messages, although I don’t always have time. Often these messages are uplifting. Such as one I got this morning:
“Sean, you are a literary idiot,” the uplifting email began. “...How dare you criticize classic American literature...
“I have been teaching high-school English for 23 years… I cannot believe you insulted a literary giant like Herman Melville.”
The writer of this email, who I’ll call “Deb,” although she is actually Julie from Saint Paul, Minnesota, is responding to a recent column wherein I stated that the classic American novel “Moby Dick” quote, “sucks pond water,” unquote.
“...[You] are part of the dumbing down of this culture…” the writer went on. “I hold writers like you responsible for our functional literacy.”
Let me start by saying, thanks for the letter. It sounds like you and I could be friends.
Moreover, I love receiving feedback like this, in much
the same way that I love receiving, say, root canals.
This kind of criticism is helpful to a columnist because it allows you, as a writer, to realize (a) that you are not perfect and (b) some people are truly psycho.
No. I’m only joking. I’m certain the writer of this letter is not really psycho. I’m sure she just needs more dietary fiber, like we all do.
Either way, as a professional writer, I retract my former statement that “Moby Dick” sucks.
Yes, it is true that the novel is a quarter of a million words long. And yes, the story does not actually begin until page 428. Yes, there is an entire chapter dedicated to the color white. But on the upside you can use the book as a doorstop.
When I was in college, I had to read “Moby Dick” just like everyone…