Chiefland

[dropcap]J[/dropcap]amie and I were driving outside Chiefland, Florida. I pointed out the car window to a dilapidated shack on the side of the road.

“One of the four fights I’ve ever been in was right there,” I told her.

But she didn’t hear me, she was busy chatting with her mother on the phone.

Fighting has never suited me. Normally, if a gentleman expresses interest in brawling, I attempt to save time by offering my hand and saying, “You win.” Then, I buy the brute a beverage of his choice, and bore him with lengthy jokes. Kind of like I’m doing right now.

The kerfuffle in Cheifland, however, had nothing to do with me at all.

I sat at the bar with my buddy, when all of a sudden, the elderly gentleman seated on the other side of my friend yelled, “You sumbitch!”

The next thing I remember was my friend getting his cheeks polished by a sweet old man in a plaid shirt. When I tried to pull the man off my pal, he turned his artillery onto me. He didn’t throw any full-blown punches, only slaps to my face. I’ve been slapped that way before.

Usually, right after I sassed my mother.

When my buddy and I limped to the car I asked him what on earth he’d said to incite such a beating?

“Nothing,” my friend said. “The old man started it. He called me condescending,” my friend paused. “That means that I talk down to people.”

3 comments

  1. JimC - April 7, 2015 3:55 am

    Its funny, I’ve driven by that place in Chiefland a hundred times.

    Reply
  2. Whatever - April 10, 2015 5:56 pm

    This made me tickle. I was howling. I read you on Facebook all the time. Keep it up, it’;s the highlight of my day

    Reply
  3. LOVE YOUR STUFF - April 10, 2015 6:43 pm

    i also read you everyday, the thing you did about the squirrel on FB was hysterical. my kids laughed at the computer with me. we always wait to read your stories on FB in the mornings

    Reply

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