I don’t like your writing because you are a dumbass.
I DON’T CARE IF YOU USE MY NAME
DEAR I’M NOT GONNA USE YOUR NAME COME HELL OR HIGH WATER:
Let’s go back in time.
Your mother and father just met. The circumstances which brought them together don’t matter. Your parents feel something for each other.
This feeling is something I want to talk about. A feeling that gets stronger with each heartbeat. A warm, happy, thick, dripping, hot feeling.
Scientists might call it “energy.” We common folk call it “love.”
Whatever you call it, it is an intelligent thing, programmed into the body. A force greater than even your parents.
So one day, inside the dark and hushed womb of your mother, a fertilized embryo floats the white-water rapids of her insides. That loveable little egg manages to attach itself to a uterine wall.
Then, the Little Egg That Could, starts producing NEW CELLS. Each cell the SAME SIZE as its original zygote. And this eventually becomes you.
I know. This is almost too boring to stand.
So let’s use simple language here: one small act of love made YOUR cells appear out of NOWHERE.
In other-other words: you’re a miracle. And it was love-energy that made you.
You are a walking-talking collection of organs, a central nervous system, a conscience, and a receding hairline. Because of love.
You are a soul, and souls can be all sorts of things. They can be thoughtful, hardworking, ambitious, easygoing, understanding, or Southern Baptist. Souls have the power to be kind, or to be hateful.
But as we just discovered, hatefulness goes against your very anatomy. Every cell in your human corpus is made with love.
Every last drop of hydrogen, oxygen, carbon, calcium, phosphorus, and interstitial fluid. Love. Love. And more love. You sir, are a steaming pile of love.
The love that made you is in your DNA. That’s not an opinion, it’s biology 101, pal. You carry an entire ancestry inside your nucleotides.
Don’t believe me? Look at your ancestors throughout history. Their offspring survived droughts, floods, flu, starvation, civil wars, hurricanes, tornadoes, disease, and The Lawrence Welk Show.
Something strong held their ancestry together. Some kind of glue. The same thing that holds this soil together.
The same thing that caused your daddy’s daddy’s daddy to fall in love with your mother’s mother’s mother. The same power inside every corpuscle of your body.
So let’s talk about me for a second. I am many things. I’m a necleuic acid sequence encoded as chromosome pairs, wrapped in a mitochondria.
But you can call me Sean. I am the result of John and Janice Sue, who fell in love too young. Whose parents wouldn’t allow them to marry.
My father crawled on steel buildings. My mother worked. Doctors told my mother she couldn’t get pregnant, but she did. And one winter night at 10:06 P.M. I was born.
The same love that made you, made me. Thus, I am not a dumbass. And neither are you. We are sophisticated products of explosive energy that peppers the pea-picking universe. We are miracles of love.
And dammit, we ought to act that way.
Thanks for the letter.