Hurricane Irma Cometh

We live in the Wiregrass. This is not my first big hurricane. In fact, we’ve seen so many storms that nearly every year we see Weather-Channel vans come to town.

SEPTEMBER 5th, 8:03 A.M.—Hurricane Irma approaches. It’s morning. The first thing I hear is the blaring Weather Channel.

My mother-in-law likes her television at volumes robust enough to rattle her artificial hip. Especially when the world is ending, like today.

On the screen: a lady-meteorologist is having a nervous breakdown. She points to a red-colored cyclone that’s roughly the size of Greenland, and says, “THIS IS A HURRICANE!”

She traces the map with a digital pointer, making colorful and scientific designs. She says, “ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY-FIVE MILE AN HOUR WINDS, FOLKS!”

My mother-in-law turns the volume up.

The weather-woman looks like a sophomore in high school, and she’s about to faint. She adds, “It’s ESSENTIAL to make sure you have bottled water, triple-A batteries, and a BIKE HELMET…”

The first thing I’d like to mention, is that the weather forecasting business has changed. For most of my life, weather-people wore polyester suits and looked like your father’s dentist. They pointed to maps, and told forecasts in easy voices.

This weather-woman is shouting, and her mascara is running.

“Do we have bike helmets?” my mother-in-law asks.

I go to the garage to check for helmets. All I find are four AAA batteries, and my old catcher’s mask.

“We need bottled water,” my mother-in-law goes on. “Is my car gassed up? Get more batteries. I’m out of bread-and-butter pickles.”

I drive into town to fill her tank. The gas station has a ten-mile line of cars. So, I go into Walmart instead. There are families jogging through aisles with panicked faces, pushing carts. One woman has eighteen bottled-water crates in her cart. Her child is riding on top, like George Washington crossing the Delaware.

Of course, we live in the Wiregrass area. This is not our first big hurricane. In fact, we’ve seen so many storms, nearly every year the Weather-Channel vans come to town.

Half of my immediate family has been featured on the television, discussing major disturbances.

There was the famous interview my uncle gave during Hurricane Opal, at a hardware store:

“Good afternoon, sir,” said the weather-person with a microphone. “Any thoughts on the storm which could slaughter thousands, potentially destroying millions of non-profit pet shelters, nursing homes, children’s advocacy centers, and monasteries?”

My uncle spit out his wad of Skoal tobacco before he even answered. It was Weather-Channel gold.

That same evening, my uncle got thirty-five phone calls, two marriage proposals, and one invitation to speak at the annual policemen’s banquet.

It should be said, I take storms seriously. Storms like Irma are no joke. This one is strong enough to suck the blood out of a deer tick. It will probably require evacuation.

And, if you’ve never evacuated from a hurricane, you don’t know what you’re missing. It’s a lot like going on vacation during a historical reenactment of Iwo Jima.

Imagine:

You’re in a traffic jam, stretching from Orange Beach, Alabama, to Beaverton, Oregon. Your vehicle is loaded with boxes of family photos, fine china, shrink-wrapped wedding dresses, your mother-in-law’s walker, and every pair of shoes your wife has ever bought.

Your wife is driving. You’re listening to radio updates. Your mother-in-law has to pee.

You stop at a gas station. There are six-hundred cars who do the same. Mostly, minivans with screaming children and dogs stuck in kennels.

You escort your mother-in-law inside, hoping her roller-walker will earn you a good spot in the long restroom line. It doesn’t.

Your mother-in-law explains that her bladder is reaching the critical zone.

The important thing here is to remain calm. You explain to her that you were once a Boy Scout, and that going to the bathroom outdoors is all part of God’s natural plan for salvation.

You guide her to the dumpster behind the service station. Then, you stand nearby, eyes closed, singing “Amazing Grace” loud enough to drown the sounds of her doing her buisiness.

“Toilet paper,” she says. “I need paper.”

But anyway, the good news here is that there is no talk of evacuation. At least not yet. And I am grateful for it.

Also, I want to add: I thank God for the Weather Channel, and for that frantic weather-woman. Without her, I would have never thought to watch my dwindling supply of AAA batteries and bike helmets.

Speaking of helmets, you really ought to see my mother-in-law in her catcher’s mask. She is just adorable. Adorable.

Yes, sir.

We are all going to die.

67 comments

  1. Connie - September 5, 2017 11:05 pm

    This would be funny if it wasn’t so true. I’ve lived in the South all my life, in south Alabama mostly, and have been through all the hurricanes staying at home. It’s not fun. My thoughts and prayers are with the people in Florida. No matter what, they are going to suffer from this one. Stay safe.

    Reply
    • Nancy Cherota Sonnier - September 6, 2017 2:07 am

      Yes. It’s going to be bad. We just came through Harvey. About 18 family members in Houston area and more friends and family got the second landfall in SE Texas and SW Louisiana. They are all awful….. all the hurricanes….. those that make landfall and those that just remind us of past horror. My family lost homes in Katrina. I lost a home in Rita. My son lost his business in the next one…. no such thing as a good hurticane. EXCEPT…… when we live through it and have opportunity to help those effected. Like now…. Harvey hurt. Harvey frightened. Harvey killed. And Harvey has brought out the best in some people….Not the organizations that Refuse to serve the hungry cause the ‘kitchen is closed’ or don’t want your donations so throw them in dumpsters…..who
      Beg for Money but the people don’t see it. But people who work day after day sunup to wayyyy past sundown collecting clothes, supplies, diapers, food. Serving tired, hungry, displaced people. Cooks who drive miles every day to serve hundreds. ( paying their own way.). Companies that donate food, diapers, headache remedies! THOUSANDS of people who give til it hurts. That too is a hurricane.
      The government can’t hold your hand and tell you it’s ok to cry. The ‘organizations’ don’t sit with you for hours finding a safe place for your pet….it’s all about people. People REALLY loving you …. folllowing in the steps of the one who said ‘ love your neighbor as yourself ‘. WE all pray Irma blows herself out….. but if she doesn’t watch the result of the tragedy. People who drive miles with trucks full of supplies…… and serve the hurting.
      I bet they are getting ready NOW.

      Reply
  2. Lori Klein - September 5, 2017 11:05 pm

    You have made my day better. I even snorted there at the end.
    This is the *only* time I don’t miss living in North Florida.
    Y’all come if you have to run. We’ll make room for you here in Arkansas.

    Reply
  3. Norma - September 5, 2017 11:09 pm

    Please, please don’t die! My prayers are with you. I want to see what you have to say once it is all over. Not living in hurricane territory, I would not have thought of helmets…but now it does make sense. I have an emergency supply kit for “the big one” that is forcasted for our area sometime in the future…hopefully not in my life time. I guess we can only hope that it turns away and spins itself out.
    Today we have smoky/ashy skies from the wildfires in Washington and Oregon. It’s unseasonably hot (high 80’s is hot here…most folks don’t have air conditioning in Western Washington. Reminds me of when Mt. St. Helen’s blew.

    Reply
  4. Jody Snow - September 5, 2017 11:10 pm

    Thank you so much for your humorous spin on this mess that is Irma. I needed that laugh today.

    Reply
  5. Joan Dake - September 5, 2017 11:13 pm

    Is your mother-in-law wearing her pearls and lipstick with the catcher’s mask?

    Reply
    • Cartersquared - September 5, 2017 11:30 pm

      Please say yes, please say yes!

      Seriously, praying for everyone in the path of this monster. It’s going to be a doozy.

      Reply
  6. Nancy Harrid - September 5, 2017 11:18 pm

    I’m an old school, 6th generation Florida Cracker that was blessed to call the island of Key West home for 15 years. Today I’ve heard/seen something new: old time, island born Conchs say they are booking out. This girl is a nasty one and those of us old enough to remember Donna are not wanting a repeat. Stay safe, go now, this is ‘that one’ we all said we’d leave for.

    Reply
  7. Deanna J - September 5, 2017 11:28 pm

    The Walmart in Jackson is already out of water and better its, no bread, so what will it be like come Friday! God save us all!

    Reply
  8. Gayle Dawkins - September 5, 2017 11:29 pm

    This is all so true. And as a matter of fact I saw that same newscaster on the Weather channel this morning! My husband said he thought she was going to have a stroke she was so excited. You need to take care of sweet Mary. Thanks for the laugh Sean.

    Reply
  9. Sheila Baxley - September 5, 2017 11:32 pm

    This made my day
    Soooo good!!

    Reply
  10. B. Blue - September 5, 2017 11:35 pm

    From west Houston in between the two reservoirs (or, as a now evacuated neighbor calls it, Atlantis)

    “We are all going to die.”. It’s not so bad…

    Reply
  11. Marty - September 5, 2017 11:37 pm

    Please, Sean, don’t say things like your last sentence. It has been a hectic day and this post was just what I needed. Humor in the face of disaster. Only you, my friend, only you.

    Reply
  12. Ms. Moon - September 5, 2017 11:41 pm

    Here’s what I wrote this evening about preparation for Irma.
    http://www.blessourhearts.net/2017/09/its-really-not-funny-but-lets-laugh.html
    I’ve lived in Florida for fifty-eight years and remember Hurricane Donna with absolute clarity. And I’m still not sanguine about these storms. I never will be.

    Reply
  13. Wendy - September 5, 2017 11:50 pm

    Thanks for the smiles in spite of the looming disaster. Please, oh please stay safe. We need you, Sean!

    Reply
  14. Rhonda Pennington - September 5, 2017 11:51 pm

    . If you decide to evacuate, I have 3 empty bedrooms that you are welcome to use. Just head to Brentwood, Tennessee, just south of Nashville. I feel like I know you, your wife, and mother-in-law already. My husband and I could show you around Nashville. I promise you would find a lot to write about. I will warn you though that middle Tennessee is awesome and you may not want to leave. 😊

    Reply
  15. Pat Beasley - September 5, 2017 11:54 pm

    I have reciently discovered you Sean and I am sooo delighted. I actually got my husband to allow me to read this post to him- he ACTUALLY listened and giggled. I love that you adore your MIL as I do mine. Can’t wait for future posts.

    Reply
  16. Jane - September 5, 2017 11:55 pm

    LOVE. IT! You are so funny. We’ve got a weatherman in Alabama, James Spann, who, with his faithful following, could easily get elected governor, that is if Nick Saban didn’t run.

    Reply
  17. Emily - September 5, 2017 11:56 pm

    This has to be one of your best, Sean. My eyes are leaking from laughter. Thank you.

    Reply
  18. Jeanne - September 5, 2017 11:58 pm

    *giggles* You made me laugh. How wonderful it must be to bring joy to your readers every day. We love you Sean.
    I lived in the Florida panhandle and Alabama most of my life and have been through many a hurricane. I lived in Daphne, Alabama during Hurricane Camille and Prattville, Alabama during Opal, which, surprisingly, did reach that far and caused much havoc. There were more, but I can’t remember all the names. Your mother-in-law does indeed sound adorable in her catchers mask. How secure she must feel having such a loving and inventive son-in-law. Stay safe, my friend.

    Reply
  19. Pamela McEachern - September 6, 2017 12:05 am

    Oh my goodness!!!! The weather channel had called the course of my life since I was sixteen years old and driving. My mother had me paged out of venues at the drop of rain or the potential of wind damage. My friends all knew the drills and I was at their mercy when these events happened. It was a source of humor to us all, I am missing these summonds more and more. God bless all in the path of these storms and please keep a smile when you think of my mom Pat and her summonds to get my A.. home NOW !

    Reply
  20. Dot Wells - September 6, 2017 12:06 am

    I am so sorry you are going to die today but God would not let anyone this funny to die by a lady named Irma…be careful and be safe!!

    Reply
  21. Jack Quanstrum - September 6, 2017 12:11 am

    Ha! Ha! Ha! Great finish! The weather channel with its overly animated meteorological people who like they are models and dressed to kill drive me crazy. So after about 30 seconds of them I turn them off. Your mother in-law sounds like a trip, but a good one. Thank you for sharing your unique humor on a serious subject. It definitely gave me a good laugh and the realization that everything is so overdone at every level of our society and that your written response is the perfect under played response we need to almost everything we here or see today. What happened to the past? Thank God for you! You share it everyday with incredible zeal. Shalom !

    Reply
  22. Barbara - September 6, 2017 12:15 am

    As someone who experienced her first hurricane at 2 months old (Betsy, New Orleans, 1965), and lived on the Gulf Coast for 25 years, only to move to the NC/VA coast for the past 27 years, I have seen my share of hurricanes. I love that you have been able to keep your sense of humor through the stress of it all. During Frederick in 1979, my brothers and I sat on the porch watching the “fireworks”, the sparks from the power lines hitting each other. That was our entertainment before sleeping under the dining room table, just in case one of the tall trees that surrounded our house should fall.
    My in-laws lost their home last week to Harvey, Lumberton, TX, but my FIL is trying very hard to be positive about it. He said the other night, that the shelter where they are staying is treating them like royalty. Since they were only able to escape with one change of clothes, and no dog food (anything more would have overloaded the boat), someone from the shelter is doing laundry for them every day, and the dogs are getting fat on donated food.
    Stay safe down there, and if you evacuate, remember, don’t take the Beach Express – you’ll be dodging all the tourists freaking out.

    Reply
  23. Susan - September 6, 2017 12:22 am

    That was pure gold – I swear, I am going to be like your mother-in-law 😂
    By the way, here in Beauregard, AL, we call them buggies instead of carts 😘
    Thank you for making our days brighter, Sean!

    Reply
  24. Kris - September 6, 2017 12:24 am

    I saw live in northeast Florida and this one scares us! We shopped for water and essentials this morning at Publix! It was mobbed and ran out by 4PM! My husband wants to evacuate – this one is scary Sean! But you made me laugh!
    Been through many of these but she IS a monster!

    Reply
  25. Renee Feliu - September 6, 2017 12:25 am

    Wahahahaha, I love this! Thanks Sean for keeping it real!

    Reply
  26. Melanie Tighe - September 6, 2017 12:42 am

    Priceless. Thanks for lightening my day Sean.

    Reply
  27. Jeannie - September 6, 2017 12:47 am

    So good to see your writing today. I just got home from time away without tv news or any technology. Turned on the news to check on the Houston area and found out that our death is imminent-this week!! Fires all over the NW, this huge Hurricane and then from little Dung Song Wong (or whatever his name is) Of course they threw in a touch of Donald Trump fiasco just to keep us posted that he is the one going to kill us all. We will prepare, but enjoy our life to the bitter end. This certainly calls for

    Reply
    • Janet Mary Lee - September 6, 2017 2:06 am

      Jeannie, your little Dung Song Wong has got me laughing so hard I can not breathe!! Just sayin…and appreciatin..!

      Reply
    • Teresa Stout - September 6, 2017 1:36 pm

      Jeannie, I think your comment is the funniest I’ve read in a long time!

      Reply
  28. Cindi Moyer - September 6, 2017 12:58 am

    This IS funny. I know the storms are not funny, but for those of us who live in the “corridor” and have weathered more than our fair share of them, it’s flippin’ hysterical!! I’m in Virginia now, on the coast, and it tickles me to no end to hear hurricane newbies worry about all the little things. I have to admit, the bike helmet is prob a good idea… I’ll stick mine in the hallway closet/hurricane shelter. I remember Camille, and it hit 200 miles away! Fill up your bathtub, have more batteries than you think you’ll need. Gas up the car and get cash because, without power, your credit cards will be useless. Find your board games, fans, baby powder, and coolers. Make sure you got what you need for your grill. All of this, and more, I learned growing up in Hurricane Alley. God bless ya there, Sean… and pack some TP for your MIL!

    Reply
    • Joan - September 7, 2017 8:40 pm

      Why baby powder, Cindi Moyer? Asking for a friend!

      Reply
  29. Nancy - September 6, 2017 1:05 am

    I laughed out loud! I live in Mobile. My daughter went to Sam’s here on Monday to get gasoline to drive home after the weekend. She said there was a LONG line and most of those there had gas cans they were also filling. An elderly gentleman who was filling several cans told her that we had to get filled up and ready because “It’s coming.”

    Reply
  30. Lloyd Crossman - September 6, 2017 1:20 am

    Love it!

    Reply
  31. Kay Keel - September 6, 2017 1:20 am

    THE SKY IS FALLING!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!…and in case you hadn’t heard…THE SKY IS FALLING!!!
    Don’t get me wrong, hurricanes and wild fires are extremely serious issues, but hyping them too much is what “The Boy Who Cried Wolf” in the old Aesop fable did, and look what happened to him. People will begin to ignore you and that WILL be catastrophic.

    Reply
  32. Jackie - September 6, 2017 1:26 am

    Sympathize with your mother-in-law! Threw up behind Waffle House when we evacuated for Danny.

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  33. Charlotte Wates - September 6, 2017 1:30 am

    I love the storm stories, I am not too far south, I love in Birmingham, Al!!!!!!!

    Reply
  34. Kathy C - September 6, 2017 1:35 am

    I’m telling you……there is nothing going on here in northern Indiana……y’all come !
    ….and you’re right Sean, we’re all gonna die…sooner or later. God bless and care for all those people in harm’s way !

    Reply
  35. Susanne King - September 6, 2017 1:44 am

    Thanks, I needed that right now!!!

    Reply
  36. Sam Hunneman - September 6, 2017 1:44 am

    Keep driving North ’til you hit Freeport, Sean. Bring the missus. Bring Mother Mary. Bring Ellie Mae (altho Maggie’s a real grump and we’ll have to keep ’em separated a while). We have really big crawfish up this way…

    Reply
  37. Fran Mitsch - September 6, 2017 1:45 am

    Sean, how can I not love you!! I grew up in Orange Beach /Gulf Shores and have been through these same motions, even going to stay in a brick Church building for safety! As a kid it was an adventure….and I think it still is! I do wish I knew you!

    Reply
  38. Jean Campbell - September 6, 2017 2:19 am

    I remember Opal very well. My son who lived on the bay where Opal came ashore and his girlfriend came to us, 100 miles inland. She lost some little fruit trees in her yard on the beach. Their homes were undamaged. We had no electricity for 4 days and their neighborhoods were closed and they couldn’t go back. Opal whistled by, roared on another 240 miles and blew a pecan tree down on our other son’s truck. He thought they were going to be safe, so far from the Gulf. The Lord will protect us, or He will take us Home. It’s okay either way.

    Reply
  39. Janet Mary Lee - September 6, 2017 2:22 am

    Thank you Sean for keeping it real!! I do sympathize with the weather people some! When you love storms of any kind, it is hard to not let the adrenalin rush!! I do not miss cable at all, except for my local news and weather. And believe it or not, I do miss that!! You keep all your girls safe if needed; we ALL would take you in !! (you have a place in Deatsville, Al. -I am in the book!!) This is not one to ride out when they figure where it is headed. My prayers are going out to those who will be impacted by Irma, as well as those in Texas. Some scary weeks, so we love and need your stories even more!

    Reply
  40. Perri Geaux Tigers Williamson - September 6, 2017 2:24 am

    You’re completely nuts! And I thank God for your condition. Thanks for the levity. We sure do need it down here in Ft. Myers.

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  41. Jan - September 6, 2017 2:43 am

    A++++++ Love it!

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  42. Reggie Patrick - September 6, 2017 2:44 am

    I grew up in Nothwest Florida and more times than not when a hurricane came we loaded up my car with “essentials” and chased that bad boy or girl. I wish I was as good as of an actor as Jim Cantore(or whatever his name is) standing there with the wind blowing about 30-40 miles an hour wanting you to believe he’s in the “wall” with gust up to 130. Well I have personally worked outside during an hurricane where you would take 2 steps forward and 1 step back the wind and rain was so bad. There was no pictures of a little water running down the street or a couple of palm limbs laying around and when I checked in with the boss man I didn’t complain about the weather, I just went back out in it and got my a.. back to work.

    Y’all stay safe now

    Reply
  43. Leon Salter - September 6, 2017 4:12 am

    I read your article today and found enjoyable. Unfortunately I forwarded to three cousins in Florid and Orange Beach. Mistakenly I thought they would find some levity in it. One cousin(married to my cousin) jumped on me like chicken on a June bug. I have heard her skin is less than a millimeter thick and has a sharp tongue. Boy does she ever telling me I should be ashamed of myself. I am not ashamed of myself, however I have one less person that want to communicate with

    Reply
  44. Drexell Sullivan - September 6, 2017 9:15 am

    Thank you for finding the humor even in scary things. Fredrick 1979. I was 8+ months pregnant and had a 22 month old. Our house was damaged and we had no power. I was extra swollen from eating Vienna sausages and potted meat. As I was kneeling over a tub to wash clothes with a brush and my daughter was glued to me with our sweat. In a moment of clarity, though my tears, I remember thanking the sweet Lord that I had not been born during pioneer times.

    Reply
  45. Melissa - September 6, 2017 10:30 am

    Oh My…. I laughed so hard, I bout pee’d my PJ’s. You’re so funny. Speaking of Mother-in-Laws, because of her I found you. You see, I have depression. With these stupid pills I must take everyday I am getting better. But what makes me even happier is seeing your posts. You know just how to make me smile, laugh, and even cry. But it’s a good cry. 🙂 I am so Thankful to her for introducing you to me. You have made a difference in my life. I welcome any help I can get…LOL And, according to my daughter I need a lot of help ;-), she says I’m crazy…LOL. But as “My” Mother always said, “You have to show just enough crazy to scare the’ begeejesus’ out of em..” Anyway, Thanks for making my days brighter. I’d give my Mama the hokey mask too, but for a different reason. I would be so she doesn’t get her make-up messed up. My Mama is a True Southern Woman. She uses a can of Aqua-net every day and so much make-up it would take a squidgy to get it off… (Not really, put I like to pick on her about it) I’m in Dublin, GA so you and I are practically family. Even though you’re from Alabama, I won’t hold it against you. ;-). GO DAWGS!

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  46. Cynthia Maxwell - September 6, 2017 11:15 am

    I was lucky enough to attend Gulf Beach Baptist Church in Panama City Beach, Florida, on a Sunday morning just before a major storm was expected to hit on Monday. Can’t even remember which one. What faith! These people did not pray to be spared, because that meant that their neighbors would be hit. They just cancelled the evening service so everyone could get ready. I left Florida for my home in Georgia not caring about any property damage but feeling blessed for having been in their presence and praying for their safety. Strong people live on the coasts of this country.

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  47. Alessa Bertoluzzi - September 6, 2017 1:43 pm

    Did she wear her pearls with the catcher’s mask?

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  48. Sharon Field - September 6, 2017 1:44 pm

    Sean – you make me smile every morning as I relive my childhood through your post. Keep up the good work

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  49. Tamera Moody - September 6, 2017 2:52 pm

    My husband is retired Coast Guard. We were stationed in Clearwater FL for 10 years. When there was a hurricane coming, he would have to leave to take the helicopters to safety – they are worth a lot of money, you know. Sometimes, all the wives would get together and have “Hurricane Parties”, all wives and children in one place. During Andrew, I stayed home alone. The closest Evacuation Center was a block away, and they didn’t allow dogs. And I wasn’t about to load up a baby, diapers for God knew how long, baby food, and other baby necessities and carry them a block away. So I put the shutters down over the windows and doors and stayed. We were pretty lucky, just no power for several days. The shutter over the back door was the only one I was strong enough to lift from the inside, and a tree had fallen across it, so we were inside for a couple of days even after it was over. There were no cell phones for me to call or text someone to come let me out. But we were safe, so we managed. Other times, I’d go to my family in IL or AL (Elba). What I don’t get is, if this storm is going to be WORSE (in my Weather Channel Weatherlady voice) than Andrew (the last Cat 5 that FL had), and there is this much lead time, why are people spending $$ buying up water, etc, instead of just driving or flying to safety? I guess for the same reason I stayed that time. Now I live in IL where we have tornadoes and ice storms. But I still have my Hurricane Kit, with water, food and batteries, etc, we just call it the “Oh No S*** Weather Is Coming” Kit now. I wish I still lived in FL and could drive to safety up in Elba. ♥

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  50. Denise Dandis Miller - September 6, 2017 4:40 pm

    Well…I was laughing so hysterically, my eyes were pouring! Maybe just maybe, I could see myself in your mother-in-law! Born in Montgomery, moved to the panhandle of Fla. in 1964. I’ve been through my share hurricanes too, but my husband is his usual calming self. (Vol. Firefighter-31 yrs & Disaster Relief through Fla Baptist). He will be getting me a catchers helmet, I’m already wearing my pearls! Thank you for your moment of laughter to help me get back to my storm prepping a little lighter! God’s Blessings and safety!

    Reply
  51. FRANK CLARK - September 6, 2017 5:39 pm

    JUST SPENT TWO HOURS AT PUBLIX. QUESTION I AM LOOKING FOR HURRICAN EMERGENCY STUFF LIKE TEQUILA, VODKA SNACKS AND CONDOMS WHERE SOULD I GO. THE CLERK BEVERLY SAID COME TO MY HOUSE AND WE’LL SURVIVE FINE. SEE YOU ALL AFTER THE STOR ME BAD

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  52. Linda Quinlan - September 6, 2017 5:59 pm

    Thank you Sean, loved the laugh you gave me. I too have grown up with hurricanes all my life. My first recollection of one was in Virginia in the 50’s. Dad had a block of ice going and a fan blowing on it until the electricity went out. In the eye we went out side and a cardinal was in the tree. When I see a cardinal to this day, I know my Dad is with me. He was my weather man for years until he passed away. Calling me on the phone (I lived on Holiday Isle) “You do know there is a hurricane coming?!!!!” When are you coming over to Milton. Most of the time we left just to make him happy. Of course one hurricane a huge tree fell in his yard, just missing the house. But we were together. Two days ago, my daughter calls in a panic. “What is our plan? We don’t have Papa anymore to tell us what to do?” My response, can we wait a few days to see what the path is going to be? She says, should I have Flood Insurance? Maybe, checked with my agent, he is slammed with quotes. Ok, so get it when the storms are over. Same kind of call from my daughter in law. What is the plan? Should I have Flood Insurance? She booked a room in New Orleans? New Orleans never the storm may shift at the last minute. Any way we seem blessed right now in Santa Rosa Beach. Worrying for my friends in Orlando and on the East Coast of everywhere. I have 4 new books to read just in case.

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  53. Karen Irby - September 6, 2017 6:54 pm

    HAHAHA! You nailed it! I watched a woman I Walmart put FOUR packs of cookies in a cart so loaded up it’s wheels were turning in. She must have seen me watching, because she turned and said, “I just don’t know what it is about storms being out there in the Atlantic that makes me want to buy snack food”. Hmmmm…not sure we need to be that concerned here in Jackson, Alabama! So this morning my husband asked me if he should go out to buy water and get gas. I said of course he should, there’s a hurricane out there! Hurricanes-they certainly bring out the weird in us, don’t they? 😃

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  54. Melodie - September 6, 2017 7:19 pm

    Thank you for making me laugh out loud, while wondering if indeed, we will be asked to evacuate. I’m hoping, not, and praying for all in the path of this ugly gal they call, Irma.

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  55. Suzette Bowman - September 7, 2017 12:18 am

    This is pure genius!! And one of the funniest things I have ever read! I laughed until I cried! Thank you, laughter is such great medicine.:)

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  56. Barbara Gomez - September 7, 2017 4:16 am

    Swap out mother-in-law with 90-year-old father and you’ve got my scenario here. You just nailed it! Made my day!

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  57. Richard Aldridge - September 7, 2017 9:35 am

    A great tribute to folks that can find levity in a can of “C” rations, or admire a smile from one crawling into an old metal fishing boat carrying his prize puppy. Tragic events brings out the best or worst in man. it peels back the layers of skin and façade even to reveal the true you. the core of your worth. Prayers for Floridians, many are relative and friends, now I shall prep my own domain the battens and hatches of personal safety of loved ones. But I do so knowing laughter must play an important role, for sanity is a fragile thing.

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  58. Chicky - September 7, 2017 6:59 pm

    I made a similar trip from Decatur, AL to Rome, GA, the weekend after the tornadoes of April 27, 2011 tore up jack, we were out of power, and my then-83-year-old mother was going bananas without her TV. So, I loaded her up and we went to Rome to stay with my sister for a couple of days. I dropped her off at sister’s, went to a hotel, and nearly ran them out of hot water, taking a shower. It had been a couple of days.
    Our stop at the old McDonald’s in Fort Payne was just about like your trip behind the dumpster with your MIL. Oh, I do feel that one. And I laughed until I cried.
    You all stay safe and tell your MIL to keep that catcher’s mask on! 😀

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  59. Mary Custer - September 7, 2017 9:14 pm

    I am reminded of a time many years ago when I left south Alabama for a hurricane in less than prepared circumstances. I can’t remember the name of the storm but it was a category three headed right at us. Us being myself, my 12 year old daughter and my boyfriend… in a Ford Ranger, with all our important stuff tied down in the back. Oh, and a cat without a carrier who did NOT like being in a moving vehicle. Without AC. Every time we rolled down the windows the cat tried to escape. With the windows rolled up it was sweltering inside. Add to that the inevitable stop and go traffic, mostly stop. Yeah… That was a lesson learned, but I can look back on it now and laugh at myself, much like I laughed at your story. Thanks for the reminder. Stay safe and give your mother-in-law and family my love.

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  60. A Zimmermann - September 8, 2017 2:06 am

    I laughed so hard I think I need to find a dumpster!

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  61. Harriet s White - September 11, 2017 1:37 am

    Kid on top of water bottles…”like George Washington crossing the Delaware” That was hilarious!!! Only at Wal-Mart!!

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