She and her daughter visited the beach. She’s up in age—walking through sand can be an ordeal. She carried a Foldger’s coffee can. The old metal kind people keep roofing nails in.
They walked toward the Gulf of Mexico and removed the lid. They scattered brownish powder into the water.
There wasn’t much breeze. They tell me most of the dust fell like sand. But it was a beautiful ceremony, nonetheless.
“My husband and I kinda grew up coming here,” said the old woman. “Before all the big condos and high-rises. His family had a place down that’a way.”
She was nineteen when she met him. After a few dates with the skinny boy, he invited her along on an annual family beach vacation.
The family stayed in a big camp-house cabin. They went fishing. They sat on swings, stayed up late, talked, watched the moon above the bay.
He was almost three years younger than her. He called her an old lady, it infuriated her.
They made a nice family. Two girls, they adopted a son. They took walks after supper. They played cards. They traveled.
He inherited his family’s service station. He could fix anything with wheels. It was a lifelong obsession, tinkering beneath hoods. They weren’t rich, but in many ways they were.
A drunk driver killed him.
It was a twenty-year-old girl with friends in her car. Nobody knows what happened exactly. The theory is: he was doing sixty-five and the girl was doing ninety. She tried to pass him. He switched lanes to let her over. She was going too fast. Four people died.
It happened almost sixteen years ago, her wounds have turned into scars.
Ever since his funeral, he’s been sitting on her closet shelf, in a tin can.
I asked why she chose the container.
“Ain’t no reason,” she said. “I just remember him saying, ‘Don’t spend no money on a fancy urn.’ He was so practical.”
After his memorial service, the funeral home presented her the ashes in a plastic bag.
Sixty-some-odd years, tucked into a glorified Ziploc.
Not long thereafter, they took a trip to the beach, where she was supposed to empty the bag into the Gulf. But she couldn’t.
“Wasn’t ready to be alone yet,” she said. “We had a life planned. We were gonna buy an RV and see everything. Saying goodbye was harder than I thought.”
I guess so.
But a lot has changed since then. She has changed.
There’s a man at her church. They have been spending time together. They go to dinner, they go to movies, he even took her out of town for her birthday.
“It’s not much of a romance,” she explains. “But he’s good to me.”
When they scattered the contents of the coffee can, she tells me she didn’t cry like she expected. She’s done enough sobbing over the years.
Instead, she talked to a ghost, like she often does.
“This is a big world,” she told the ghost. “I can’t believe we were lucky enough to find each other. I love you. Always will.”
Then, she threw the tin can away.
22 comments
Connie - July 8, 2017 1:55 pm
Bless her heart. I wish her joy.
Al - July 8, 2017 2:49 pm
It’s all right. I think I just cried enough for both of them.
Al - July 8, 2017 2:49 pm
Dang it, Sean.
Betsy Brown - July 8, 2017 3:37 pm
My tears may be happy tears or sad tears, but there are almost always tears because your posts are so beautiful. Kind of like church hymns sung from the heart. They make me cry as well.
Helen McClure - July 8, 2017 4:00 pm
So lovely. Thank you.
Dolores Fort - July 8, 2017 5:25 pm
I can relate to this lovely woman. My husband is in a plastic bag in a plastic box over my washing machine waiting for me to join him. When our ashes are joined together, our children will dispose of them at the same time. When we married, we said we would never part and we had both wanted to go at the same time because we didn’t want to be separated. After over 50 years together, God had other plans. I am now waiting for the time when we will be reunited, but I am living each day the way I believe he would want me to, continuing the activities he supported and continuing to love him. I miss him very much, but I am living each day knowing that we will be together again in God’s time.
Thank you, Sean, for such a beautiful story that touched me very deeply.
Tommie Jordan - July 8, 2017 9:45 pm
Your stories always make me cry. I keep saying I am going to stop reading them, but can’t help myself. My farmer man of 20 years left me in ’91, but it still feels like yesterday. It still hurts because he was only 62. Such a young age. Here I am at 75, still crying. Don’t know how to stop
Melinda - August 26, 2017 1:48 pm
Blessings to you Delores.
Eleanor Goodgame - July 9, 2017 2:10 am
This touched my heart. Today is my 45th wedding anniversary but I “celebrate” alone. My husband has been gone 3 1/2 years & I’m still not used to the loneliness. I read this while looking thru my wedding album & tho it is bittersweet for me, it makes me feel somehow feel hopeful for the 1st time in a long time. Thank you Sean for the anniversary gift.
Melinda - August 26, 2017 1:50 pm
Praying your loneliness eases.
Donna Holifield - July 9, 2017 3:35 am
Beautiful !
That’s all …. beautiful!
Jack Quanstrum - July 9, 2017 3:47 am
Incredible story! It touched me deeper than any story you have written in the last two months. Thank you Sean, for sharing. I wish had your writing ability so I could effectively share in words what I am feeling. But some feelings maybe best experienced in one’s soul and spirit instead of writing or speaking them. Thank you for hooking me up to this incredible journey!
Marisa Franca @ All Our Way - July 9, 2017 2:59 pm
Doggone, Sean!! You did it again!! I can’t see to type for the tears in my eyes. There are times when I get scared of losing my Honey. We’ve been married almost 48 years. I can’t imagine a life without him. He’s my love, he’s my best friend. And like the old lady, we’ve spent time holding hands and staring at the Gulf.
Becky - August 11, 2017 1:12 am
My son died April 18, 2016 and we were going to spread his ashes in the ocean. It was the one place where he found joy and peace. We went to Myrtle Beach in June of 2016 and just…couldn’t. We brought him home and he’ll stay with us until the time is right. I completely understood her emotions. It’s so much harder than anyone can imagine.
AngelaLocklar - August 26, 2017 12:25 pm
Such a sweet story. I love to read love stories like this. They remind me that love does exist. Thank you.
Dianne - August 26, 2017 12:50 pm
Thank you
Laura - August 26, 2017 1:54 pm
The aching beauty of love. How it’s endlessness mesmerizes our hearts. Beautiful.
Ramona Hopson - August 26, 2017 3:39 pm
Enjoyed your stories at the Waters in Pike Road, Al last night. I think you are a writer.
Carl Hopson - August 26, 2017 5:47 pm
Friday night August 25,2017 my wife and I, along with her sister, and her husband, were lucky enough, to have been in attendance , to hear a guy who really, knows how to, communicate. Guitar pickup wouldn’t work, and because of that you sang, a song, that touched our hearts. The Waters, where you were the guest is heavily a Church of Christ Community, so the fact you sang ,Will the Circle, Be Unbroken accapella, verses, with a musical instrument fit right, in.
I may have been the on,ly other person in The Chapel, who knew,Black Creek. A friend of mine, now deceased, took a mutual friend to a very remote part of Black Creek, to dry him, out and left him for several weeks. The only thing, that’s for sure , he was dry for, that period of, time. For sure, last night was a MOST enjoyable evening. I think we could be friends. Forgive the commas , a habit, I , picked up, from someone.
PS, by far the worst teacher I ever had was my FIFTH GRADE TEACH, Mrs. Ramsey.
unkle - September 12, 2017 3:17 am
so we went to the funeral home. The director put the bag of ashes into a brand new custom built cedar urn. Her grandma was buried in a cedar box built from the same tree in 95. Kinda a famly tradition i guess.The ashes only got to spend one night before they were lovingly spread by her husband, little brother and unkle. The sky gently cried till we finished. She will always be 49 .Saved the wood scraps for the next project. Enjoy every day…they are limited. miss her every day.
Sherry Rix - May 10, 2018 1:16 pm
I have my husband of 32 years ashes in 4 mason jars. Each marked with a destination. He picked them himself. One is marked Gulf Shores, Alabama. I have already visited Lake Jordan Alabama. In a pontoon boat with my sister Jan, & friend Kim, we said a sweet Good bye to my sweet Allen. He was a big fisherman. Lake Jordan was on of his favorite lakes. The Gulf of Mexico was also his favorite. I’ve got a lot of traveling to do. Thank you Sean
David Brown - September 18, 2022 1:03 pm
My favorite – I too remember Gulf Shores “Before all the big condos and high-rises”. Your article brings home to me a Universal Truth: Some love never dies, it just changes form and moves to other dimensions.