Air travel is not my favorite thing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not my most hated thing. My most hated thing is slow internet. But air travel is up there.
I am not afraid to fly, it’s waiting in lines I don’t like. And that’s what air travel is, waiting in lines.
The airline even recommends that you arrive two hours in advance so you can already be in line when they delay your flight due to “maintenance issues.”
Also, I’m not crazy about passengers who snore. I just finished a flight where the man next to me admitted beforehand that he snored.
“I’m just gonna give you fair warning,” he said. “I snore really, loud.”
What was I supposed to say to that? Mazel tov? Should I have thanked him?
Then again, I have no room to judge those who snore. My wife says I snore badly. Last year for my birthday, she bought me an anti-snoring device. I believe they call it a taser.
The man beside me snored hard. So I wore headphones to listen to music. But there was a problem. Apparently, my cell phone had only one song stored on it, which was Hank Snow’s “I’m Movin’ On.”
I like Hank Snow as much as the next guy, but after four replays of this country hit, I realized that my life was falling apart.
Thus, I had two options: I could either turn off Hank Snow and listen to the hyperventilating grizzly bear beside me. Or, I could listen to Hank Snow until I cracked and did something that would cause the air marshall to subdue me.
So I replayed Hank.
When we reached Atlanta, I had to go to the bathroom. I only had fifteen minutes to catch my connecting flight, and there was a long line for the restroom.
“Why’re we waiting…