Once the holidays are over a lot of people curl up on their sofas and sink into clinical depression. And I am not kidding.
I base this statement on an article sent to me by Glenn, a family therapist who notices a spike in depressed patients after the holidays. He gives examples of why this occurs:
1. Less sunshine.
2. No fun stuff to do.
3. Nobody parties in January.
4. Or travels.
5. Going back to work sucks.
6. And you’re fat.
I called a family therapist to get a few comments on the issue. But I got his secretary who said that he would charge $800 per hour for a phone consultation, so I decided to:
Go roller skating.
Again, I am serious. This seemed like a good idea because evidence shows that skating might help with post-holiday blues. Also, my cousin’s children were attending a birthday party at a roller rink.
So the next thing I knew, we were in a rundown skating rink with cars arriving in the parking
lot by the dozen.
Carl, the man who runs the rink said, “Rinks like ours ain’t gettin’ much business no more.” Carl spit into a Mountain Dew bottle. “But today we got a big party, so hey, that’ll pay the light bill.”
The first order of business at any rink is to exchange your perfectly good shoes at the counter for some truly disgusting ones. Behind the counter, I met a woman who also appeared to be suffering from Seasonal Depression. I have met junkyard Rottweilers with warmer personalities.
“What size?” she said.
“Thirteen? You joking?”
“We don’t have thirteens.”
“How about a twelve and a half?”
She looked on a rack. “Biggest I got is an eleven.”
“That’s not gonna work.”
“Take it up with the complaint department.”
The woman slammed down a pair of skates that smelled like…