My wife is asleep on my shoulder. She is out like a light. This is a sweet moment between husband and wife. Wait a second. Is she drooling? If she is, so help me, I will gag.
Yes. I can clearly see saliva on my shirt. My gag reflex kicks in.
But I decide not to wake her because she is sleeping too soundly. And because I enjoy watching her sleep.
Long ago, before her, I dated girls who never seemed to actually like me. One girl in particular forced me to attend a fancy New Year’s Eve party at her aunt’s house. She told me to wear a sports coat. When I showed up, she chewed me out.
“What’re you wearing?” she shouted. “You didn’t wear a tie! I told you to dress up.”
“You told me to wear a sports coat.”
“But where’s your tie?”
“You just said ‘Wear a sports coat.’ So I bought a sports coat at a thrift store.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t wear a tie.”
“I clean up pretty good, huh?”
“You’re gonna have to borrow a tie
from my uncle.”
“This is genuine Scottish tweed.”
“How could you do this to me?”
“You can’t even see the hole in the elbow, can you? This jacket smells funky.”
“Why do you always dress like a slob?”
“I think whoever wore this jacket before me must’ve died in it.”
She fitted me with a necktie. Before her aunt even served the salad, I was already in my truck on the way home. Her uncle’s necktie died a slow death on I-10.
But the woman who I married actually likes me.
We went to Charleston for our honeymoon. We had a famous time in South Carolina. Charleston is one of the most historic cities in the world—second only to Rome. On every corner you see American history. You can visit the place where George Washington…