It was a classified ad in one of those nickel newspapers. It read:

"Gray Ford. Half-ton. Stick-shift. Some rust. Needs TLC. Sneads, Florida. $800."

My pal called about it. He needed a truck in a bad way. His old one had gone to be with Jesus, his wife was pregnant, and he'd just lost his job.

And in the days before texting, the only way to do business was to use the interstate.

Before we left, he went to the bank. He liquidated his account into a wallet full of eight hundred dollars.

I gave him a ride. We stopped at a gas station outside Cottondale. He filled my tank, then paid inside. He bought two sticks of beef jerky, two scratch-off lottos.

Thoughtful.

After a two-hour ride we hit a dirt road leading to a farmhouse that sat on several acres of green. Out front: an old man, smoking. He was bony, friendly, tall.

The truck was ugly, painted primer gray to hide rust. The bumpers were missing, the interior smelled like oyster stew.

“Runs good,”

the man said.

“I'll take it,” my buddy answered.

He reached for his wallet. And that's when it happened.

His pocket was empty.

My friend went ape. He retraced his steps. We tore apart my truck interior, dug through seats, and cussed. When he finally gave up, he sat cross-legged on the ground. He cried until his face looked raw. It was a lot of money to lose.

The elderly man sat beside him. He wrapped his arms around him. It had been a long time since a grown man had done that sort of thing to my pal. My friend was a fatherless orphan, like me.

When things calmed down, the old man's eyes were red and puffy. He wiped his face and said, "C'mon, son, nothin's THAT bad. Cheer up."

My pal didn't answer.

The elderly man removed keys from his…

The old timers in my childhood often used a word I never understood. The word was “Providence.” My people could not articulate the meaning of this particular word because it had more than two syllables.

Also, it really is a difficult word to define. Even now, when researching this column I couldn’t find a concrete definition of Providence. One dictionary said one thing, another website called the word “archaic.” Today the term is so outdated that if you’re a younger person reading this I’ve probably already lost you.

So I’ll explain its meaning by telling you how the word was invoked by the rural people of my youth.

Okay. Let’s say there was no rain, the world was crackling and dry, and no farmers were making money from crops. It wasn’t “bad luck.” It was all part of heavenly Providence.

And when the rain finally began to fall; also Providence.

When two people fell in love? Providence.

If someone got cancer and died, people prayed for the family to receive solace in Providence.

Job promotion? Providence.

Finding

$20 in your coat pocket? Major Providence.

My people, you see, did not believe in good luck, coincidences, or even flashy miracles. It was all Providence.

To them life was a trapeze act. Mankind was always swinging recklessly from trapezes, back and forth. Sometimes man fell, sometimes he didn’t. Either way, there was a divine reason for everything, good and bad. You weren’t supposed to know the reason. That’s Providence.

Thus we did not believe in accidents, happenstances, mistakes, flub-ups, or oversights. Neither did you merely “bump into a neighbor” at the supermarket. It was all meant to be. Mapped out ahead of time. Heaven was not an indifferent observer, but an active participant in your life. Providence.

The reason I bring this up is because I received a letter from a young woman who I will call Rebecca. She is undergoing surgery…

I was at a wedding last week. There was a small reception with cocktail weenies, cheese plates, and an ice sculpture.

Instead of a DJ, there was a band from a local high school. They had long hair and various chains on their body parts. Their music was a cross between 80s progressive punk, and a nitroglycerine truck colliding against a 747 taxiing on the tarmac.

In the middle of the evening came my favorite portion of any wedding reception: when the tipsy brother-of-the-bride gains control of the microphone.

Others took the stage after him and began sharing memories, offering toasts. One gentleman picked up the mic and delivered a memory about being a college roommate of the groom. Four hours later, he finally got around to his toast.

Next, a young woman took the stage and read a speech that was written on a stack of notes the size of a term paper.

Then, the father of the bride told a story about when the bride was a girl. It

was a sweet memory. He talked especially about a beloved member of the family, a deceased redbone coonhound named “Turkey.”

The man talked about this dog as though it were a blood relative, he covered the highpoints of their lives with the dog.

He talked about all the times that Turkey begged at the table, or when Turkey learned how to “load up” in the truck, leaping into the passenger seat. The times spent walking through the woods with Turkey beside them. And the day Turkey died.

I listened, but I wasn’t thinking about Turkey. I was remembering a black-and-tan bloodhound I once loved.

Her name was Ellie Mae. She had a black face with two tan eyebrows that moved with her every expression. Ellie rode shotgun in my truck each day of her life.

When I went to the store, she went to the store. When I went…

The Chickamauga Battlefield. It is a January day, the leaves are dead. The sky looks like dull aircraft aluminum.

This U.S. national park sits in the northwest corner of Georgia, at the base of Lookout Mountain. Technically, we are in Fort Oglethorpe, Georgia. But most people will tell you this is Chattanooga.

The visitor’s center looks like a Greek-Revival mansion with big columns and a gracious porch. If it weren’t for the Columbiad cannons parked out front, you’d never guess this was a Civil War memorial.

Inside the welcome center are tourists. It’s a weekend. And people visit national parks on weekends. There are different languages being spoken all around me.

The clerk in the giftshop tells me Chickmauga is an international tourist hotspot.

“I’ve probably met people from every country,” the clerk says. “You can always spot the foreigners, they’re the ones who say please and thank you.”

I meet a couple from France. They appear to be having a marital argument in rapid-fire French. The female of the couple asks if I am American.

I tell her yes, I am. She asks if I can settle their argument.

“Was Elvis from California?” she says. “My husband says he was.”

Far be it from me to interject into a matrimonial spat. But duty calls. “No, ma’am,” I say. “Elvis was not from California.”

She shoves her husband and says, “See? I told you he was from Milwaukee.”

We learn a lot on our tour. The American Civil War, a ranger tells us, is the most written about subject in the world, second only to writings about Jesus. There are throngs of books, monographs and dissertations written about this subject. Daily.

To give you an idea of what that means: There is approximately one book or dissertation written about the Civil War for every 5 people who died in the war itself.

Chickamauga turns out to be your typical National…

There is a special way the light hits the Smoky Mountains at sundown. I’m looking at mountain grandeur right now. The view is nothing short of cinematic.

I am on a vacation, here in the arresting glory of Appalachia, and I’m wondering about where our country is going.

I wonder things about our nation. Such as, why, in America, do hotdogs come in packs of eight but hotdog buns come in packs of 12?

Why do Americans leave expensive cars parked outside, but use their garages to store worthless junk?

Why does Walgreens make sick people walk to the back of the store to buy prescriptions, while healthy people can buy cigarettes up front?

Why do Americans insist on calling them “apartments,” when they’re all stuck together?

Why does my American wife have to open her mouth to put on mascara?

These are just a few of the pressing issues facing this nation that I’m wondering about.

I’m also wondering about an old man, from Sacramento, who was in the grocery store one afternoon, buying—of all things—bananas.

Whereupon he noticed

a young Latina woman in line ahead of him. The woman’s name was Isla. Isla emailed me this story.

Isla had her four kids in tow. She was still wearing her maid’s uniform. She was counting exact change. Crumpled dollars. Loose nickels. But Isla came up short.

So the old man paid for her groceries.

Isla thanked him and began to cry. The man followed her into the parking lot and loaded her groceries. She asked if she could repay his kindness.

He smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”

But Isla insisted. She invited him for supper. He arrived at her house. He wore a nice shirt. She was welcomed into her home, which was a glorified shack. She introduced him to her dying father whom she was caregiving for. And her elderly mother, who had dementia.

That night, Isla made…

It’s is a big day for you, Mac. You’re turning 13. You are officially a teenager! Congratulations! Wear deodorant!

Seriously. If there is one piece of practical advice I have, it’s that deodorant is important for teenage boys.

This is especially true when you think you don’t need deodorant. Because chances are you probably do.

Boys, you see, have a hard time being objective about the aromas emitted from their own personal armpits. This is because male noses are less sensitive than female noses.

Take my wife. She can smell spoiled milk in the refrigerator of the International Space Station. Whereas, each morning I sniff my dirty shirts to see if I can get a few more days out of them.

So wear antiperspirant. That’s all the wisdom I have. The rest of your life will take care of itself.

The main thing is not to worry about life stuff. Our culture is very into worrying. This is why being a teenager in today’s world is far more difficult than it was for your dad and me.

A

long time ago, when your father and I were born, beneath the John Quincy Adams administration, there was very little worrying going on.

Our parents didn’t worry about dangerous things. We didn’t wear bicycle helmets or seatbelts, or catcher’s masks. We ate refined sugar, gluten, cholesterol, and we played lawn darts.

Lawn darts, for crying out loud.

We had no internet. No Whole Foods. No Disney Plus. Our televisions only received six channels, and we had to watch all the commercials.

We used old-school rotary phones which—I know this is hard to believe—did not even shoot good video. The most high-tech device my family owned was a crockpot with a timer.

Also, we had to learn cursive. In school, we would practice cursive for upwards of six hours each day at knifepoint. This is why every child in the American Public School…

Dear Anonymous,

You wrote me a letter. I know you’re going through a hard time. You emailed me from a hospital room, and I know that you’re about to crack from stress.

I don’t know how to respond. I wish I did. I know you want me to say something like: “It’s going to be okay.” But how can I say that?

Your daughter is dying in the ICU. Your life is upside down. You need real comfort. But alas, I am just a guy who maintained a 1.24 GPA in school. I can’t see the future. If I could, believe me, I would have become obscenely rich from last year’s World Series.

Still, although I’m no Stephen Hawking, I know what NOT to say in times of trouble. I’ve been through plenty of rough times in my own little life.

Without a doubt, the last thing you need is one of those B.S. clichés. “It’s gonna be okay.” Or “Trust in God, it’s all going to work out.” Blah, blah, blah.

This is the kind of nonsense

people always quote like parrots when you’re going through heartache. I know this because after my father’s suicide, people said this to me right and left. They walked through the funeral reception line and said things like:

“God has a plan.” “Trust in Jesus.” “Don’t worry, everything will work out,” “It’s going to be alright.”

What fertilizer.

I have a friend, for instance, who has been stuck in the hospital for 5 months. He’s going to die. The doctor is telling him he has a 2 percent chance of living. His organs are shutting down. His heart is wearing out. Are you going to tell HIM “it’s going to be okay”?

Or what about the young woman, Sierra, who is dying of kidney failure in the ICU, as we speak, in North Dakota? Her family emailed me this morning. A dozen people…