Well, it’s official. I’m done writing.

The email came in this morning. This one sealed the deal. “Sean,” the message began. “You are a social media attention whore….”

Great way to start a Monday.

“...You’re like all other attention seekers,” the writer went on, “constantly looking for likes and engagement… I’ve been a professional writer for 29 years, and it’s people like you who corrupt the profession. …I think you know what I’m talking about.”

The last sentence ends in a preposition.

A few hours later, a book review on a major bookseller website.

“...[Dietrich’s] book was a laborious and difficult read... I found [the author’s] tone glib and disrespectful. This author might indeed have something to say, but he’s too immature to say it.”

You’re only young once. But you can be immature forever.

Then there was the letter to the editor of one of the newspapers for which I write.

“...I am a former reader of Sean. I was disgusted with his treatment of religion in his last column… I take offense at the tasteless jokes about Baptists.”

Why should you take

two Baptists fishing? Because if you take just one, he’ll drink all your beer.

And here’s another little gem from another newspaper that carries my shoddy work:

“...I found Sean’s article in [name of paper] especially upsetting, especially the jokes about the Baptist tradition. I have been a Baptist all my life. I am 77 years old, and found his humor belittling.”

As it happens, I have been a Baptist all my life, too. I come from a Baptist town. Even our atheists were Baptist, because it was a Baptist god they didn’t believe in.

Ironically, most of the Baptist jokes I’ve learned have come directly from Baptist preachers.

One of my childhood friends, for example, is a Baptist preacher. I recently told him about some negative mail I received.

He replied: “Don’t worry about it.…

I’m writing this for a friend—the state of Oklahoma, who I consider a close personal friend of mine.

I know you wouldn’t usually refer to a whole state as your friend, but that’s what I’m doing here.

Today, a tornado swept through Oklahoma’s bosom. Four people were killed. Over a hundred injured. Two deaths in Holdenville. Another near Marietta. Another in Murray County. Thousands are without power. Even more are grieving.

As I write this, nearly 7 million people across America’s midriff are under a tornado warning. From Texas to Wisconsin. By the time you read this, more destruction could have happened.

I first learned of the Oklahoma tornadoes when I got an email from a friend outside Sulphur, Oklahoma.

“I don’t know if you’re even getting this email, Sean,” the note began. “Our phone service is down, and we don’t have any power… But if you can say a prayer for us, it would mean so much.”

Sulphur. A Rockwellian town of about 5,000. Houses and buildings are rubble. Cars were flung. Busses moved. The rooftops

were scraped off.

“You just can’t believe the destruction,” said Oklahoma Governor, Kevin Stitt. “It seems like every business downtown has been destroyed.”

Things started getting bad on Saturday. The weather service reported that two tornadoes were crossing Oklahoma’s Highway 9. Between Goldsby and Blanchard. There was another sighting east of Tinker Air Force Base. Another tornado headed toward Norman.

“I don’t know what were going to do,” said my friend in the aftermath. “I don’t know how were going to get over this.”

Well, I don’t know much, either. But I know one thing about Oklahoma. They are resilient.

Long before the World Trade Center attacks in New York, I remember being glued to the television after an Oklahoma City truck bomb killed 168 people and injured over 500 in 1995.

I remember the witnesses being interviewed on news channels were all…

I love you. Maybe you need to hear that. If so, allow me to be the one to say it. I love you.

You don’t have to believe me. You don’t have to trust me. You don’t even have to keep reading this; I’m not going to. Just know that someone loves you. Namely, this guy.

You don’t have to do anything to deserve love. There are no criteria to meet. You don’t have to say magic words to receive love that is rightfully yours. You don’t have to chant “I’m special” three times, hug yourself, then affirmatively pat your own backside.

Maybe you mistakenly think love is something you have to work for. Something you have to earn. Maybe you’re a people pleaser, continually trying to win people over so they’ll love you.

But it’s not like that. You don’t have to work to receive love. It’s free. Love is a basic human right. Like water. Or air. Or SEC football broadcasts.

So I don’t know what you’re going through. But I know you’re a human. Just like me. Therefore, I know you need

love just to function.

It’s biological. They’ve done studies on it. Love is what makes your cells grow. What makes blood move. What makes a heart beat. This is legit, you can trust me. I’m on the internet.

Moreover—and you know who you are—I know you don’t FEEL any love right now. Which is probably why you’re still reading this poorly written article from some guy you’ve never met in Alabama.

You’re reading because deep down, you want love. But you just can’t seem to find it. Well, you’ve found it here.

So if that’s you, allow me to reiterate. I love you.

I love you if you are a total jerk, and you push away everyone who has ever tried to get close to you. I love you even though you try to destroy…

Morning. I went down to the lobby and ordered a coffee. I was carrying my banjo. Nobody even looked twice at me.

“Room for cream?” the guy said.

“No, thank you.”

I waited for him to stare at my banjo and ask what was in the case. Everyone asks.

But not in Nashville. Banjos here are superfluous. In fact, it’s more unusual NOT to be carrying a banjo in Nash-Vegas.

But before I left, he smiled and said, “Break a leg, man.”

I played banjo on the 650 WSM AM morning show. Bill Cody interviewed me and did his best to make me sound interesting and smart. After a lifetime in radio, Bill Cody could make a fire plug seem interesting and smart. Which is exactly what he did this morning.

Then I left the studio and met an older woman from Bowling Green, Kentucky, who has attended well over 500 Grand Ole Opry performances. Elaine Sledge. Tonight she’ll be bringing her sister to see me. We got our picture made together. She told me to break

a leg.

Then, I went back to the hotel. I had a whole day to kill. So I played my fiddle for several hours until someone knocked on the door and interrupted. It was a veterinary doctor with a medic bag.

“Hello,” he said, “we just received a call about a dying animal in this room?”

So I played banjo instead.

Then it was almost time for soundcheck.

I took a shower and kept thinking to myself how surreal this all is. Me, an ordinary fire plug, playing the Opry.

I put on my suit. My lucky red socks. Socks which have not been laundered in over 20 years and smell like it. My wife won’t come within 200 feet of them.

I picked up my guitar case. I walked out the door.

“Break a leg,” the hotel clerk said.

“Yours or mine?”

A truck stop. A little cafe, somewhere off the Great American highway.

The waitress is bustling between tables. She’s an older woman. Maybe mid-seventies. Salt-and-pepper hair. More salt than pepper.

She puts food on my table. Two eggs, sunny. Hashbrowns. Black coffee.

“Anything else, sweetie?”

“No, ma’am.”

“Ketchup for your hashbrowns?”

“How’d you know?”

She smiles. “Just a hunch.”

She produces the bottle like a magician pulling hankies from his sleeve.

Then, I see the woman walk outside. The bell on the front door signals her exit. I see her through the large window. She sits on a bench. Removes a carton. She’s smoking a cigarette now. And something tells me she’s earned it.

A car pulls up. Old car. A Honda. Rusted fenders. The car used to be blue, now it’s beige There’s duct-tape on the windshield.

The driver hops out. He hugs the waitress. Together they remove a fold-up wheelchair. Together, waitress and man lift a little boy from the backseat.

They place the child into the chair. The woman hugs the kid. The boy is rail thin. She bathes him in her kisses and the

kid returns the favor.

They share a long embrace. The Honda leaves, then the woman wheels the kid inside the cafe.

She parks the kid’s chair in the corner and deals with her workload. She checks on her other customers. They all need something. More napkins. Refills on tea. Plates need to be cleared.

She’s warming up my coffee when I ask who the kid is.

“That’s my neighbor’s boy,” the woman says. “And that was his uncle who dropped him off.”

“You two must be close.”

“We are. Sort of. I’m raising him. He’s about to be legally mine in a few weeks. Once I sign the papers.”

I’m looking at this woman, and I’m thinking that she is a little long in the tooth to be raising a child.

“His…

My truck cab was filled with three barking dogs and one idiot. The dogs were in the backseat. The idiot was behind the wheel.

“Sit down!” the idiot kept saying.

But my dogs do not sit when I drive. They never sit. They dutifully explore their space when the vehicle is underway.

To the untrained eye my dogs appear to be acting disobediently. But that’s not it. Really, they are just looking for food.

They are always looking for food. They even look for food in places where there has never been any food, such as my bathroom. In a pinch, they will even resort to eating non-food items such as my reading glasses, my sandals, sheetrock, etc.

But they particularly go crazy when in my truck because they know the odds of finding abandoned food here are exponential. Thus, they are constantly on the lookout for expired Corn Nuts, old pistachio shells, or a petrified French fry predating the Reagan administration.

So we finally arrived at the dog park. I turned

them loose. They ran. They chased squirrels. They wrestled. They hunted around for any threatening or suspicious objects so they could sniff them, bark at them, then pee on them.

And then, basically, all the dogs in the dog park just stood around. That’s all the dogs do there. They play for short bursts, then they stand around and look at their owners.

“Why do dogs just stand around at dog parks?” one dog owner asked the group of us dog owners who were also, as it happens, just standing around.

Another dog owner said, “I drove forty-five minutes to get here, just so my dog could stand around.”

One of the other dog owners remarked, “You ever wonder what would happen if dog and human roles were reversed? What if DOGS took US to human parks? Would we go to the bathroom in front of each other?”

“I enjoyed our vacation together,” the 12-year-old said.

It was the last day of beach vacation. We stood in our driveway. It was time to part ways. Becca’s ride was waiting.

Vacation was over. She had school. I had work. Real life awaits us all.

But we had four days of beach. Four days of sand. Four days of seafood joints. Four days of lethargy wherein the biggest problem of the day was: Should I scratch my butt now or later?

“I’m going to miss you,” Becca said, clutching her pocketbook.

So grown up.

Her little face was sunburned. She wore her platform sandals, like a big kid. She wore cutoff shorts and a colorful Tee. Hair in bobby pins. Cuter than a duck with a hushpuppy.

I forget she’s 12 sometimes. She was a child when we met. Itty-bitty. She still knew all the words to “Baby Shark.”

Now she’s on the cusp of teenagehood. You never know what she will say. One moment she’s eating a popsicle, with a purple tongue, talking about puppies. The next moment, she’s

discussing the finer points of existential free will like a French poetry major.

We’ve had a good four days. And after four days of living with my blind goddaughter, I’ve learned things. The main thing I have learned is that never once does one get a break from being blind.

Not once is blindness not a factor in her interaction with the world. Not once.

A few days ago, someone emailed about a column I wrote. “Why do you ALWAYS feel the need to mention that Becca is blind? It’s offensive to me.”

I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that this remark was made by a non-blind person.

It’s simple really. The reason I always mention Becca’s blindness is because Becca is always blind. Believe me, she never forgets it. And neither do her loved ones.

“Tell me a story,” said the 12-year-old girl.

His goddaughter was lying in bed. He was tucking her in. They had spent a full day playing on the beach. They were moderately sunburned because both are fair-skinned and ruddy.

“There once was a little girl,” he began. “She lived in a village far, far away.”

“What color was her hair?”

He paused. “Um. I don’t know. Her hair was… Um. Blond.”

“Was she tall or short?”

“I don’t know. Short.”

“Was she a blind person like me? Or did she have her vision?”

“She was blind, just like you.”

“Thank you for making her blind,” said the girl. “There are no stories about blind girls like me.”

“Well,” he went on, “this is a story about a blind girl.”

This pleased her. “What’s her name?”

“Um. Rhonda.”

“No. That’s a really weird name.”

“Okay, her name is Sherry.”

“Nobody is named Sherry.”

“What do you think her name should be?”

“Rachel.”

“Okay. It’s Rachel.”

“Thank you.” She smiled. “Continue.”

“Little Rachel was a brilliant young woman who had a voice like an angel. Whenever she sang, people came from miles around just to hear her angelic voice ring

throughout the land.”

“What songs would she sing?”

“I don’t know. Regular songs.”

“Does she know ‘Thunder’ by Imagine Dragons? It goes like this...”

The little girl began to sing.

“I guess so,” he said. “She probably knows that song.”

“Good for her. That’s a good song to know. Go on.”

“Well, sometimes, the young princess was sought out by people who were going through very hard times of their own. Pilgrims and travelers were always stopping by the little girl’s village just to meet her and talk to her.”

“Wait? She’s a princess now?”

“Um. Yes.”

“Why did they want to meet her?”

“Because, the little girl was special.”

“Why was she special?”

“Because Rachel had gone through a lot in…

Day Three of beach vacation. They awoke early. The sun wasn’t fully up, but obscured by a quiltwork of gray. It was balmy and warm. The seagulls were still asleep.

His blind 12-year-old goddaughter’s first words were “Can we go swimming in the ocean?”

“It’s not the ocean,” he explained for the 3,429th time. “It’s the Gulf of Mexico.” Then he defined the important differences once again.

She wanted eggs for breakfast. So he made eggs. She ate hers, then asked if he was going to eat his.

“I planned on it,” he replied, mid-bite.

“Well,” she said, “I can eat your eggs if you’re not hungry.”

“That’s very thoughtful of you.”

She smiled at him.

So he ate a granola bar.

After the kid polished off two plates, she said, “Can we go swimming in the ocean?”

“It’s not the ocean,” he restated. “It’s the Gulf. And isn’t it a little early for swimming?”

“What time is it?”

“Seven,” he said.

“That’s not too early for swimming in the ocean.”

“Gulf.”

“Whatever.”

So the odd couple left the rental condo. They were barefoot, carrying beach towels, wearing bathing

suits.

One dorky, pale, out-of-shape, middle-aged writer with a hairy back and oversized feet. And one 12-year-old blind girl in floral-print swimwear.

Together they walked along the unstable sand. He held her hand tightly because sand is difficult to navigate when you’re blind.

No people were on the beach that morning because it was too early. So the man and the girl had the whole Gulf of Mexico to themselves.

They eased into the green water a little after sunrise. It was bitingly cold at first. The first wave crashed around their knees and delivered a shock to the system. What an exciting way for a middle-aged man to wake up.

“Don’t worry,” said the 12-year-old, “the ocean will get warmer, you just have to get used to it.”

“Gulf,” he…

Day Two of beach vacation. It’s sunny in Florida, I’m sitting on the beach with a blind 12-year-old girl. We have sand in all major orifices including the crevices between our teeth.

The gang’s all here. My wife is reading a book. Becca, my blind goddaughter, is eating sand.

“Well, I just wanted to know how it tasted,” Becca pointed out.

Becca is eating sand, of course, because she is from a North Alabama region called Sand Mountain, and they do different things on Sand Mountain.

This is not Becca’s first time at the beach, but it’s her first time being in Florida with actual Floridians.

My wife and I grew up on the Gulf Coast and thought it would be fun to take our goddaughter with us on a beach trip so we could introduce her to some uniquely Floridian pastimes. Such as, standstill traffic, highway construction, and DR Horton subdivisions.

So far the trip has been great. Yesterday, Becca had boiled peanuts. There was a learning curve. It wasn’t easy teaching a blind child to eat

boiled peanuts, but we eventually got there.

I taught her how to open the peanuts, how to suck the Cajun-spicy juice, and most importantly, how to wipe her messy hands on the seat of her shorts so that she had little orange Cajun handprints on her rear.

“Are you sure this is how I should wipe my hands?” she asked. “It doesn’t seem very neat.”

“You’re fine,” I insisted like any guy would.

Then we pulled over to eat seafood. We stopped at a genuine Florida fish house called Boon Docks in Panama City Beach. It was the kind of authentic place with tin roofs and seagulls soliciting handouts. There was a long wait.

When we arrived, the hostess pulled me aside and said, “Did you know there are orange handprints on the seat of this little girl’s pants?”

Becca was thrilled.