Blessed are the lonely. For they shall find love. I don’t know how it will happen. But I know it will.

Maybe you don’t have any family. Maybe you don’t have many friends. Maybe your loved ones have abandoned you. Just hang on. You will not be lonely for long. Your life is about to change. I know this for a fact because I had a V8 this morning.

Blessed are the librarians, for they shall change the world. They might not change YOUR world. But they will change the world for a child. I was one of those children.

Blessed are the confused, for they shall find clarity. I don’t know what you’re confused about. But you need an answer, and you need it fast.

Maybe you feel pressured into attending college. Maybe you’re confused about marrying your girlfriend/boyfriend. Maybe you have some news to share with your parents and you’re afraid they’ll disown you. I swear, this will all work itself out. Give it time.

Blessed are the English majors, for they shall not deliver pizzas forever.

Blessed are the introverts, for they shall be seen.

Introverts are the ones who don’t dance at parties, don’t speak up in class, who refuse to play office politics (which is why they don’t get dates, high grades, promotions).

But an introvert is a lot like a hole-in-the-wall restaurant with world-class fried chicken. Sooner or later, Guy Fieri will visit them.

Blessed are the black sheep of the family, for they shall be comforted. Black sheep are the ones who never fit in. The people who never seem to measure up to other people’s standards. Whatever those are.

But black sheep are beautiful. And a black fleece doesn’t show dirt like the white ones.

Blessed are the dog rescuers, for they shall spend 1.4 billion annual American dollars on dog food, and receive a hundredfold return on their investment.

Blessed are the surrogate parents, for you are altering the way a child experiences the world. Ask me how I know this.

Blessed are the orphans; blessed are those whose parents died young, for you shall know God in a way others will never understand.

Blessed are the cancer survivors, for you have touched heaven.

Blessed are the children of domestic abuse, for we shall be called helpers.

Blessed are the survivors of sexual abuse, for you shall be called healers.

Blessed are those who have lost children, for you shall find children of your own who you never knew existed.

Blessed are those with disabilities, for you are our teachers.

Blessed are the musicians without girlfriends or vans, for you shall not always be homeless.

Blessed are the divorcees, for you shall re-find yourself.

Blessed are the mothers and fathers of wayward children, for your home will be a hospital.

Blessed are the depressed, for you shall be called compassionate.

Blessed are those who have survived suicide, for you will taste the richness of life.

Blessed are you, who feel beaten down by the world, and its unexplained cruelty. Blessed are you when people you love—people you trusted—hurt you. Blessed are you who cry in secret, because you don’t know where else to cry.

Blessed are you who feel lost in shadows, and can’t find your way out, for you shall see the Mystery of the Universe. And even if you don’t see the Mystery right now, don’t worry. He sees you.

You can trust me, I’m on the Internet.