The smell of barbecued ribs is in the air. I am with a friend who knows his ribs. His father taught him everything he knows.
My friend can also handle more beer than I can—he can drink several, back-to-back, without spontaneously bursting into “Louie Louie.”
We were good friends once, but we lost touch a long time ago.
I liked his father, who was a natural teacher. For example: his father taught me how to change the oil in my truck when I was a younger man.
He also attempted to teach me to throw a football—which is on the large list of things I never learned. Also on the list: water skiing, pronouncing “Worcestershire,” parallel parking, making my bed, earning a living.
My friend’s father is here today. He is white-haired and shaky. He has Alzheimer’s. He is not the man who once showed me to throw a spiral in his yard. In fact, he doesn’t remember me.
He’s holding a beer can.
My friend says: “It’s non-alcoholic beer. We replaced it
with fake beer. It makes him feel like old times to hold a can. We hope it jars a memory.”
The old man sits in a chair between us. His language is a mixture of gibberish and one-liner jokes, and he ends every sentence with “Inallmylife.”
When he starts talking, it’s impossible to understand him.
“Whositwasasittlemershimackinpillowhapper…” he chuckles. “Inallmylife.”
We all laugh—we know by the tone of his old voice that he’s telling a joke. And you always laugh at punchlines, even if you don’t understand them.
My friend answers, “Oh yessir,” to almost everything his father says. And this suits his father just fine. Any response will do.
“Listenlistenlistentome,” his father begins. “Wasabackinnineteenerother…”
“Yessir.”
“...AnshesaidtomeIwasadoosiebut…”
“Oh, yessir.”
“Philorandaosamerjonathan…”
“Yessir, Dad. That’s right.”
“Inallmylife.”
And so it goes.
The old man sits…