[dropcap]Y[/dropcap]esterday, I found a book at the flea-market. The Pocket Dangerous Book for Boys. I had to buy it, because Danger is my maiden name.
The truth is, I have a few things I’d like to add to the book.
For example: when a boy’s wife asks how she looks in a pair of purple skinny-jeans. Welcome to dangerous territory my friend. Look, even if you hate purple, think twice. The only acceptable remark here is, “You look good enough to eat, darling.” Anything less will get you ten stitches in a vulnerable region of your body.
And I mean vulnerable.
Another deadly situation: when a boy notices his wife behaving just like her mother. Danger. I repeat, danger. Do not under any circumstances draw comparisons between your wife and her mother. In fact, don’t ever mention your mother-in-law. Never. Unless it’s to say, “Hey honey, can I lift anything heavy for your mother? How about that chest of drawers again, maybe her concrete birdbath?”
Finally, let me tell you a story about a friend, boys. He was shopping with his wife. A certain female strutted past his line of vision. His wife noticed. She executed a classic AIAPAH maneuver. Pronounced, “eye-a-paw.” Otherwise known as the Am-I-As-Pretty-As-Her question.
This is the most dangerous scenario known to boy.
I might as well tell you upfront, there’s no correct answer to the AIAPAH question. None. The first word you speak, will be the first word of your eulogy.
My buddy found out the hard way.
His last words were, “Huh?”