I receive a lot of questions in the form of emails, private messages, subpoenas, etc. Sometimes these messages are kindhearted. Other times, the messages are not. I have saved such messages in a special folder which I will address.

ROBERT, Indianapolis: Just a little constructive feedback, Sean: Why are you always calling it a column? They are blogs. You’re posting these on Facebook. Come on, this is not a column. Quit calling yourself a columnist and admit you’re just a Facebooker.

COMMENT: Thanks for the constructive feedback. As you read these words, other readers are consuming these words via their local newspapers.

I speak of faithful readers, such as Rita (72), who reads my work in the Charleston City Paper and writes: “I dislike your irreverent humor.”

And John (59), who reads my words in San Diego’s The Paper: “I am canceling my subscription.”

The truth is, I call this a “column” because Merriam-Webster defines a column as “waste matter discharged from the rearmost orifice of male bovine.”

No. Sorry. That’s the definition for “constructive feedback.”

ELSIE, Clearwater, Fla.: You once wrote that Detroit is a “city with all the charm of a nuclear holocaust.” I’m a fifth-generation Detroit native. I live in Florida now, but my kids still live in Bloomfield Township and I’m offended. We love Detroit.

COMMENT: Very few retire and move to Detroit.

GARY, Jonesboro, Ga.: I’m a Pentecostal preacher. You tell a lot of Baptist and Methodist jokes, but you always leave us Pentecostals out.

COMMENT: The Pentecostal pastor tore his clothes and prayed loudly one Sunday, with these words: “Oh Lord, without you we are but dust.” He paused for dramatic effect. And a child’s voice said, “Mama, what is butt dust?”

DONALD, Aiken, S.C.: I like your work sometimes. Other times, you completely miss the mark. I’ve made a decision not to read you anymore because I just can’t deal with the irregularity.

COMMENT: May I suggest Metamucil?

RANDY, Downer’s Grove, Ill.: I was introduced to you by my mother, she used to send my siblings your blogs every morning. At first it was cool, but honestly, you’ve changed lately and it seems like your trying too hard.

COMMENT: Check your last sentence.

FRAN MARIE, Guntersville, Ala.: I feel like you recycle the same [deleted] topics until everyone is [deleted] sick of them. Why do you always write about your dogs?

COMMENT: Because I can’t write about your dogs.

CAROLINE, Pensacola, Fla.: I have an 18-year-old son who reads you and is a fan. I’ve never heard of you, so I wanted to make sure your humor is family friendly and that you don’t tell dirty jokes I wouldn’t want my son to hear.

COMMENT: I promise only to tell dirty jokes that you would want your son to hear.

CAMERON, Oak Hills, Ore.: My wife turned me onto your column… Some are better than others, but I’ll keep reading until you say something stupid.

COMMENT: You sweet talker, you.

LAURA, Helena, Ala.: I need to know where you stand politically, you competently avoid the issue in your writings but there is a culture war going on in America, and if you are not for us you are against us.

COMMENT: Thank you for the constructive feedback.