My Beliefs

[dropcap]N[/dropcap]one of my beliefs are mine. I didn’t come up with any of them. The same probably goes for you.

Take, for instance, my ideas about happiness. My grandfather said the secret to being happy was not to worry about being happy.

His advice is a lot harder than it sounds.

My grandmother assumed a different approach. She said that to be happy, I should think like an eighty-year-old. “Elderly folks are too old to bother with youthful urges, or fantasies of success. All they care about is family, friends, and getting enough fiber.”

So, I invested in Velcro tennis shoes and a jar of Metamucil.

My ideals on alcohol come from Grandmother too. “A man is always entitled to beer or bourbon; if he wants anything more, he’d better make sure he owns a Bible.”

My great uncle Lawrence, on professionalism: “People who promote themselves annoy the damn spit out of everyone else. Nobody’s half as good as they say. Let your work will speak for itself, and shut your mouth.”

About friendship, from Uncle Sam: “If you can’t run with folks better than you, run alone.”

About food, from my wife, Jamie: “If I don’t eat something quick, I’m about to cuss someone the hell out. Hey you. Yeah you. What’re you looking at, pisswad?”

My views on etiquette from Aunt Eulah: “If you don’t have good manners, you’d better have fast reflexes.”

And, my views about love, from Daddy: “Everything dies, Sean. Even me. So, I want you to do something. Find someone to love, because that’s about as close as you’ll get to living forever. You hear me?”

Yes, Daddy.

Yes I do.