I remember my first cellphone. I felt like one bad hombre.

I was in my mid-20s. The cellphone retail salesperson outfitted me with a state-of-the-age phone about the size of a residential General Electric refrigerator.

And, boom, just like that, I was Billy the Buttkicker. Whenever I wanted, I could whip that sucker out and call—I don’t know—time and temperature.

MODERN CHILD: What’s time and temperature, grandpa?

GRANDPA: The original Siri.

You had to call time and temp back then because, of course, there was nobody available to call since only a few of your friends even HAD cellphones. And all your friends were away from landlines, engaging in various activities such as, gainful employment.

Over the years, phones kept getting more advanced. Each day: a higher-tech phone. It seemed like you were always buying a new phone.

Eventually, phone retailers switched to the current sales system still used today, offering complimentary wastebaskets after sales transactions because, after you pay, your phone is obsolete.

Over the years, phones became able to do more. First came text messaging. Then your phone could receive emails. Then phone cameras. Apps. Mobile internet. Phone GPS. Video. Social media. Voice assistant. Paying with your phone. Fingerprint recognition. Face ID. AI.

Pretty soon, my phone was capable of doing everything except scrubbing my backside in the shower. Although, that never kept me from taking my phone INTO THE SHOWER where I could conveniently browse Amazon, watch YouTube, and most importantly, drop and break my phone.

But that’s okay. I just went to the phone store and upgraded to the most current device.

PHONE SALESPERSON: Our latest model of phone has a built-in bikini trimmer.

I was INSANELY addicted to my phone. I could not leave home without it. I could not use the bathroom without scrolling, sometimes for long periods, sitting on the toilet until my legs went numb. I even slept with my phone, sort of, sleeping directly between my wife and my phone charger.

Decades went by, and I got worse. I ate with my phone. Drove my car with my phone sitting on a dashboard mount. Unlocked doors with my phone. Paid for gas with my phone. Once, I even stayed in a hotel where you could flush your toilet with your phone.

Well, as of today I have been six weeks without a smartphone. I’ve been using a non-smart flip phone. I still own a smartphone, but it remains in a box in my closet.

But I honestly don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep doing this. I’m not that strong. And society has made it almost impossible to function without a smart device. You can’t schedule a doctor’s appointment without the office sending a confirmation text.

But I HAVE noticed some important changes over the last six weeks. My creativity has come back. My focus has returned. I’ve read several books. I’ve become a better navigator while driving. My Timex wristwatch gets a LOT more action.

Most of all, I don’t feel nearly as anxious or frustrated because I’m no longer reading braindead social-media posts written by ignorant, narcissistic, uninformed keyboard-warrior dipwads, like this post you just read.