Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Even though this name has been so misused, misapplied, and misappropriated throughout history.

I mean, what even is your actual name? People in various countries call you different things. There have been wars over which is the correct name.

How many people have been slaughtered in, quote-unquote, “Your Name?” We humans are still fighting about what, exactly, that name is.

The American evangelicals, ironically, choose a Middle English translation of a Latinized version of a Greek iteration of a Hebrew nickname, that was officially sanctioned by King James I, who most historians believe was bisexual. I’ll bet the evangelicals love that.

Still, other people use other words for Your name. But the Jewish culture, in my humble opinion, gets it right. Because they won’t even say your name. It’s too holy. Plus, once you use someone’s name, you’ve already kind of boxed that someone in. But you can’t be boxed in.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in

heaven. Because heaven knows sometimes it sucks down here.

Even so, there’s got to be a plan to this mess we call life. There are all these coincidences happening. People call these instances different things: Grace, providence, karma, synchronicity, God winks. Whatever you call them, they happen. Every moment. And there seems to be a reason for it.

Give us this day our daily bread. Us. Not just me. Us. Collective. Personally, I have never known hunger, I was raised in a food secure household. But there are many other people included in “us.” People who are starving. People who don’t have what they need. And it’s not just bread.

There are people lying in hospitals, prisons, nursing homes, or crack houses. They are drunk, and homeless, living from dumpsters. They have needs. And it doesn’t seem fair that I sit on my duff, eating Fritos…

I miss the newspaper. Before the internet. I’m talking physical newspapers. The kind you unfold.

I miss the morning routine of it all. Walk to the end of the driveway, barefoot, pre-sunrise. Messy hair. Morning breath. Unsheath the newsprint from its plastic. Soy-based ink on your fingers. That low-grade, wood-pulpy newsprint smell.

Also, I miss the design of a newspaper. A newspaper is a work of organizational art. The broadsheet layout, headlines, dropheads, bylines, datelines, section numbers, and… (Continued on A3).

I miss shaking open the paper with a grand gesture, organizing each section on my table, reading pages in a specific order: Funnies first. Sports next. Then, senseless acts of politics.

I miss the corny car-dealership ads. And the ultra-serious advice columns, with headlines like: “Help, my daughter says I wear ‘granny panties,’ what should I do?”

I miss the Far Side.

I miss low-quality photography, op-ed columns written by the extremely self-righteous, crossword puzzles, the classified section, and the “errata” section—I doubt people even know what that is anymore.

I used to deliver newspapers

with my mother. Our lives revolved around newspapers. We have hurled—seriously—tens of thousands of papers in our lifetimes.

We serviced the majority of the continental United States in Mama’s little Nissan Altima with a heater that smelled like recently produced cat poop.

At two in the morning, sitting in her front seat, we rolled each copy into a giant enchilada, shoving each paper into a plastic wrapper, while drinking enough coffee to concern a cardiologist.

We delivered to expansive neighborhoods, subdivisions, business districts, apartment complexes, 2000-story beach condos, newspaper machines, hotels, you name it.

But do you know what my favorite part was?

My favorite part of the delivery process came toward the end of our shift. It would be sunrise. Old folks would be standing in driveways, awaiting delivery. The newspaper was THAT important to them.

Mister Oleson stood at his mailbox while…

The email came yesterday.

“Dear Sean, I am an atheist, I do not believe in God… Your God cannot be omnipotent and concomitantly allow evil, you can’t have it both ways… Remember the recent floods in Texas, where was your God then?

“...Sorry Sean, would love to believe in a higher power like the rest of you small-brains, but my heart and brain both say ‘HELL NO.’”

Dear Friend,

I’m no theologian. I’m not even a church guy, either—not unless it’s a pennant race. No, I’m more of a Pabst Blue Ribbon enthusiast.

Moreover, you’ve written to an uneducated man. I had to look up the word “concomitantly.” I’m still not sure how to use this adverb.

So I’m not exactly the person you should be sending these emails to. You’re much sharper than I am. Any response I write will make me look like I am full of bovine byproduct.

There is, however, one thing I know.

I once met a woman from Illinois who was born blind and deaf. Just like Helen Keller. She was remarkable. You would have

liked her.

The percentage of deaf-blind cases in America is low. So you’re looking at a population of about 11,000 in the U.S.

Moreover, 90 percent of deaf-blind people also have medical, physical, or cognitive disabilities. Back in the olden days, many parents put deaf-blind children up for adoption. They were sent off to state facilities until someone adopted them. Which—surprise—people rarely did.

That’s what happened to this deaf-blind girl. As a kid, she was tossed around. She didn’t learn how to truly communicate with other humans until her late teens.

Take a moment and think about that.

Her life was a long, arduous road. For her first half of existence, she had no concept of our world. She lived in darkness and perpetual silence. She did not know, for example, who her caregivers were. Heck, for that matter,…

Yavapai County, Arizona, is a lot of dirt, rocks, and heat. I spent a few weeks outside Prescott once. The heat index was 140. It was so hot the Prescott Daily Courier reported that local chickens were laying omelettes.

Jerome lies to the northeast, an old copper mining town. Farther east is beautiful Sedona, which features Earth’s largest natural collection of Range Rover Defenders.

In the topmost northern section of the county is Seligman (population 446). There isn’t much in Seligman. You’re looking at a few abandoned gas stations, a couple Route 66 tourist shops, old motels, and people whose front yards are dirt.

It was in this setting that a 2-year-old boy named Boden Allen got lost. Boden is adventurous kid, a typical towheaded toddler. He was playing outside while his father was working on the roof. His mother was tending to their 1-year-old.

Two-year-olds can be sneaky. Boden just slipped out of the yard, and that was that.

The kid was nowhere to be found. His parents sounded the alarm.

Yavapai Search and Rescue took to the desert on a manhunt. Or a “boy” hunt, as it were.

The search turned up nothing. One hour turned into two. Two turned into 10. Ten turned into 16. It was like looking for hay in a haystack.

Night fell. Still no Boden.

His mother, Sarah said, “I looked at his empty bed in the middle of the night, and I’m like, ‘This isn’t real, he’s not — how is he not here? How is he out by himself somewhere in the dark?’”

Boden’s odds of survival were not good. The overnight temperatures sink down into the 20s. Not to mention the natural predators that wander the desert. You could get bit by a rattlesnake, fall into a canyon, or attacked by a coyote.

Enter Buford.

Burford is a fluffy 160-pound Anatolian Pyrenese, a working ranch dog with paws the size…

She was 10 years old. She got kicked in the leg, during P.E. class. No big deal. Happens all the time. But her leg started doing weird things. Something was definitely wrong.

“My leg started swelling, almost the size of a baseball,” she remembers.

Her name is Coraliz. They took her to the doctor. Did some tests. It was osteosarcoma. Bone cancer. Not good.

She was referred to St. Jude to receive treatment. When Coraliz’s family carried her through the doors of the massive hospital, it was like entering a warzone, mentally.

The fear was overwhelming. A heavy, black terror rested on her shoulders. A burden no 10-year-old should have to bear. And yet each year, about 16,000 kids diagnosed with pediatric cancer will bear this weight.

They showed Coraliz to her room. For the next nine months of chemotherapy, she would live right here. This was home now.

Not long thereafter, Coraliz had surgery to amputate one of her legs. Her family stayed by her side. There was a lot of crying involved.

When a child loses a piece of his or her body, everyone goes into grieving mode. Psychologists say, losing a piece of your body can sometimes be similar to losing a loved one. You’re losing a living thing.

She started doing a lot of artwork. Landscapes, flowers, symbolic artwork. One of her paintings features a network of hands, reaching out, decorated with different designs.

“This piece represents healing hands everywhere,” she says. “The support we receive from friends, family and those who care.”

Perhaps, the hand painting represents something else, too. Namely, one of Coraliz’s nurses. A particular nurse that Coraliz will never forget.

One night, the nurse entered her room. The woman went through the usual nightly nursing duties. Coraliz was watching carefully as the nurse changed intravenous lines, gave injections, drew blood, checked stats, and performed her routine with ease.

The woman was an…

Our van crossed into Virginia. The sun was setting. The greenery of the Old Dominion State passed our windows at 55 mph as we hunted for an acceptable place to pee.

We pulled over at an old gas station. It was in the middle of the sticks. With old guys sitting out front. The kind of old men who wear seed caps and suspenders.

I ran inside, moving stiff-legged, the unmistakable gait of a man with a compromised urinary system.

The bathroom was “clean-ish.” Not acceptable. But okay. There was no toilet paper. There were cobwebs everywhere, containing spiders who had evidently died of old age.

When I emerged from the privy, my hands were dripping wet from washing them. I informed the cashier there were no paper towels in the bathroom.

“I believe you’re out of towels,” I said.

She just blinked.

“Just wipe’em on your pants,” she said.

So there it was.

The cashier was busy watching television to pay attention to me. The glowing plasma screen held her focus.

I leaned in for a better look,

wiping my hands on my trousers. On the screen was the image of a dog. Happy. Open-mouthed smile. Tongue out.

“You heard about this dog?” said the cashier vacantly.

“No,” I said.

She turned up the volume. “This dog is famous.”

The news reporter said the dog was from Rustburg, Virginia. The dog is named Sweet Sienna. She has become a celebrity in this state. It all happened a few days ago in Campbell County.

There was a pet adoption event. Pets were wandering around, greeting people, licking hands, sniffing things, peeing on stuff, etc.

Sienna broke away from the crowd of animals and shelter employees and sat before a man in the distance. She wouldn’t leave him alone. She looked him in the eyes and kept putting her paws on his legs.

Sienna’s shelter, named the Friends of Campbell County…

Seldovia, Alaska, sits somewhere near the top of the world. It’s a nanoscopic village on the North Pacific. Population 225. Tons of fishing boats. A lot of cold, icy, Kachemak Bay water.

A few days ago, a local spotted something huge stranded on the beach. It was a minke whale. About the same length as a mid-size Toyota.

The whale was struggling. Thrashing around and panting. The whale was fighting to breathe.

The passerby ran for help.

When a live whale finds itself stuck on a beach, you don’t have a lot of time. Maybe 20 minutes, tops.

Dehydration is often what kills the whale. Or the whale might drown because its airway faces the tide. Often, it’s suffocation that kills a stranded whale.

Remember when you were a kid, and you swam in the pool all day? Remember how when you got out of the pool, your whole body felt heavy? That’s because for hours water supported your body weight while all your friends played Marco Polo, thereby traumatizing some

unfortunate child so that this child would be receiving therapy for the next, say, 30 or 40 years of his or her respective adulthood. Not that I would know anything about this.

So anyway, after being buoyant all day, your little-kid muscles weren’t used to supporting your weight. Once you got out of the pool, your body felt heavy.

Likewise, whales spend a lifetime in the water. Their bodies are not built to handle their own weight. When a whale lies on the beach, gravity crushes its huge frame, making it almost impossible to breathe.

The whale in Seldovia was gasping, with roughly three tons sitting on its lungs. It was dehydrating in the sun. It wouldn’t be long before the whale would just give up and die.

Each year, about 2,000 whales strand themselves on beaches and die. That number is rising. Nobody really knows why. Even fewer…

I want to tell you a story. In February of 1979, a 7-year-old named Chris Grecius, of Scottsdale, Arizona, found out he had leukemia.

It was the end of the world. No, it was worse than that. It felt like the end of a family. Chris’s mother was devastated.

In the late 1970s, there weren’t many kids coming back from the L-word. Chris was informed that he was dying. It was a living nightmare.

One fateful day, Chris casually remarked to his mother that he wished he could have grown up to become a policeman. For a parent, the news was a knife to the gut.

Chris’s wish was common knowledge, of course. Anyone who knew little Chris, knew that he liked to dress up as a cop and run around the backyard, chasing bad guys, occasionally shouting, “FREEZE!” to neighborhood dogs and various woodland creatures.

But something about this was different. Chris was making an official request.

News of Chris’s interest in the police department spread. In those days, Scottsdale was, essentially, a

big small town, so word got around pretty quickly.

When Chris was hospitalized, a family friend spoke with Arizona Department of Public Safety Officer Ron Cox, and the department launched a plan to make Chris’s wish come true.

Lt. Col. Dick Schaefer of the DPS got involved. He gave Chris a campaign hat, like state troopers wear. He polished one of his old badges and pinned it to Chris’s chest. Then, he officially swore Chris in as Arizona's first and only honorary 7-year-old peace officer.

The police department didn’t stop there. Someone gave Chris a helicopter tour of Phoenix. Chris got to drive a police car. The officers let him talk on the radio.

But the icing on the proverbial cake was when the officers commissioned an official police uniform for Chris. They delivered this uniform to Chris at the hospital that spring, and they made…

“I’m sorry,” the airline employee said with a polite smile. “Your flight is delayed.”

It was the third time my flight had been delayed on the same day. I was alone. I had been trapped inside the Fayetteville airport since the dawn of the Industrial Revolution. My clothes were wrinkled. My stomach was growling. I had already lost 14 pounds.

I had tried renting a car and driving home, but all rental cars were sold. I had tried to schedule another flight with a different airline, but other airlines had no flights to Birmingham. I now had Stockholm syndrome, I just wanted to please my captors.

“Please let me go home,” I said to the attendant.

“We’re working hard to resolve the issue, sir,” she said, passing the emery board over her nails again.

Finally, after several more hours, it was time to board our plane. It was late. The stars were out. Customers awoke from their sleeping positions on the floor. Several airline passengers had already stripped down to loincloths and were

cooking over campfires in Concourse A.

We found our seats in the small plane. And, in strict adherence to FAA regulations, there were at least three screaming babies onboard, one flu victim, and the guy next to me had a case of thermonuclear b.o.

But it was not to be. Before the preflight monologue, we learned that our plane had a serious malfunction. The captain said we needed a repairman. But, as it turned out, all aviation mechanics in the state of Arkansas had recently been executed.

Everybody off the plane.

We would likely spend the night in the airport, foraging for food in trash bins, fashioning makeshift pillows out of our own shoes. I called dibs on the last patch of bare linoleum.

That was when I met Tracy. She was the passenger across the aisle from me. Amazingly, she recognized me.

“Are you Sean?” she…

My plane hovered over Fayetteville, Arkansas, preparing for landing. The elderly lady in the seat next to me was gripping the armrest. She had been using aggressive armrest etiquette throughout our flight.

Whenever our plane hit patches of turbulence, she would say sharply, “Son of a…!” And hog the armrest.

“Sorry,” she apologized, in a pronounced Arkansas accent. “I don’t cuss in real life, honey.”

“Isn’t this real life?” I asked.

“No, sugar. This is hell.”

Our plane touched down. It was one of those rough touchdowns when passengers almost applauded. Not necessarily because our plane landed safely, but because none of us passengers underwent a severe gastrointestinal event.

“What brings you to Arkansas?” the woman asked.

“I’m making a speech in Rogers,” I said.

“Well, are you going to visit our Walmart while you’re there?”

She said this in much the same tone you might have asked someone if they were going to visit the Vatican City.

I hadn’t planned on visiting Walmart. But she informed me that this was a mistake. You could not come to Rogers,

she explained, without visiting Walmart.

On July 2, 1962, the first Walmart opened in Rogers. Sam Walton, a 44-year-old opened this store with two goals in mind: Selling American-made products, and offering customer satisfaction.

“No matter what you think of Walmart,” she said, “Sam Walton was a good man. I should know. My husband used to work for him.”

The lady went on to tell a story.

Her husband was a young father, and cashier at a local Walmart. One day, Sam Walton was expected to visit the Walmart. At the time, Walton was the richest person in the United States.

The day was an anxious one for the Walmart’s young staff. Her husband was on the sales floor that day, along with a gaggle of nervous employees, mostly young, who were all trying to make the store look perfect.

The…