I am thirty-five thousand feet above the rest of the world. Below me is Texas. Or maybe it’s Oklahoma. I’m on a flight back to Atlanta, sitting beside a stranger.
The stranger is from New York. Earlier, he was talking on his phone before takeoff. He was using swear words like they were basic adjectives.
Folks on the plane were beginning to stare, like maybe the stranger and I were buddies. I just smiled.
But now that we are in the air, and he’s chewing ice cubes. That’s right. Big, loud, ice cubes. And he’s listening to rap music on headphones.
You should hear the music leaking out of his headphones. I cannot repeat the lyrics because my mother raised me in a fundamentalist home with a framed picture of Billy Graham on my nightstand.
So I will substitute all swear words using names from the 1953 roster of the New York Yankees.
One of the verses to the rap song I am overhearing goes like this:
“You no good sack of Phil Rizzuto,
“Yogi Berra, Berra, Berra,
“You stupid mother Whitey Ford,
“I mean, what the Johnny Schmitz?
“What the actual Johnny Schmitz?”
Commercial flying has changed over the years. The first time I ever boarded a plane was to visit my aunt in St. Louis. I was a kid, traveling with my mother.
We flew because my father didn’t like the idea of my mother driving long distances alone. He was afraid she would get a flat tire.
Once, to prepare my mother for a road trip, he taught her to change the rear tire on our station wagon. My mother got so good at changing tires, Daddy would clock her with a stopwatch.
Her unique skills were a source of entertainment at family barbecues for years thereafter.
One time my father’s friend, Buddy, lost a…
