I receive a lot of messages. I cannot answer all these questions, so I have compiled the most common ones to answer them here.
Q: Do you even care about your own country? Are you even watching the news right now? Sweet stories about kids with cancer are heartwarming and get lots of likes and engagement and build your brand, but are you aware that you are losing your national and personal freedoms AS WE SPEAK?
A: As we speak, 8 kids just died of cancer.
Q: Why don’t you ever comment on our politicians? You have such a platform to spread truth, and yet I don’t know where you stand, and therefore I can’t figure out whether I’m supposed to like you or not. How can I figure it out if I don’t know which politicians you support?
A: My opinion is that America has the best politicians money can buy.
Q: I paid $24 dollars for eggs at the grocery store yesterday, I am sick and tired of these prices!!!!!! When will we do something about the expensive cost of living!!!!!
A: Tell me about it, I had to move into my friend’s bouncy castle. The rent is expensive, but it’s mostly inflation.
Q: How can you just sit there and watch the country go to [deleted] I read your stuff and wonder what [deleted] planet were you born on?
A: Different one than yours.
Q: Do you seriously believe in angels you [deleted] moron? I’ll bet you pee sitting down, too.
A: Only when my angel is watching.
Q: Do you know that this is the worst time in world history? We are standing on the precipice of the most nightmarish timeline of current events this globe has ever seen. These are the darkest times we have ever known.
A: Don’t feel bad, friend. I failed history, too.
Q: My Jesus is the only way to heaven, all others are going to hell. You need to deal with this reality because if you believe that my God won’t send you to hell just because you’re a nice guy, you’re in for a big surprise, that is not how my God works.
A: Your God sounds delightful.
Q: We saw you perform in Baton Rouge not long ago, and you were performing at an Episcopal church. Then we saw you again in Mississippi, and you were at another Episcopal church. The Episcopalians are heavily involved in religious idolatry and symbol worship, please tell me you aren’t a closet Episcopalian.
A: And also with you.
Q: I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU! YOU ALWAY SAY THAT YOUR WRITING IS MEDIOCRE YOU’RE PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN BUT IT’S ALL AN ACT! I KNOW YOU DON’T BELIEVE YOU’RE A BAD WRITER, THIS IS JUST A MANIPULATIVE DEVICE TO GET PEOPLE TO THINK YOU’RE HUMBLE. AND IT’S JUST SLEAZY, SEAN. DON’T BE SLEAZY.
A: I think your caps lock is stuck.
Q: I used to read you every day on Facebook, but then you disappeared. What happened to you?
A: I was in the social media clink for a long time. But it’s great to be free again. I’ve missed all the messages.
Q: Every time I sit down to write, for a project I’m working on, I cannot figure out how to get my ideas going. I stare at a blank screen, and then everything I write sucks. What should I do?
A: Write a Q-and-A column.