It all started in Georgia. There was a turtle blocking the highway. It was an old, rural highway. Two lanes. Way out in the sticks.
The turtle was the size of a tea saucer. And it wasn’t moving. The turtle sat on the yellow line, head inside its shell. Cars sped by faster than Chuck Yeager on a beer run. And yet the turtle—somehow—had not yet been crushed.
The year was 1991. Bill had just graduated college. He stopped to rescue the turtle, and flagged down traffic. He lifted the creature into his hands and marched it over to the shoulder.
He placed the creature in the grass and told the turtle to “Go home, little guy.”
But the turtle did not go home. The turtle turned and began walking toward the highway again.
So Bill decided to—why not?—take the turtle home. He had never owned a pet before. He was a 19-year-old guy, and his main hobby at the time was Budweiser.
He named the turtle Skidmark. But everyone called the turtle “Mark” for short.
Mark
was great fun at parties. They’d take him out of his aquarium and watch him wander through the apartment. Bill’s friends would balance beer cans on his shell, or slices of pizza, and let the turtle wander from room to room, making special deliveries.
Raising a pet had challenges. Bill had to learn how to feed Mark properly. Turtle care was not something they covered at the University of Georgia.
At first Bill was feeding his turtle Ritz crackers and cheese. But then he started reading books, and he soon realized that turtles very rarely eat Ritz crackers in the wild.
So he started feeding Mark sardines and turtle pellets.
Time marched on. Mark became a major part of Bill’s everyday life. Bill even took Mark on long trips with him.
“I took Mark to Rhode Island once, Texas, California, and Quebec.”
The…
