I’m not crazy about our presidential candidates. But it’s not their fault. These politicians are who they are. While I’ll bet they’re upstanding, God-fearing folk, I sure as shoeshine don’t want them at my barbecue.
Thus, I’ve come up with the only political idea I’ve ever had. You can slap me sideways once you’ve heard it.
I suggest we elect Sheriff Andy Taylor for president.
If you don’t know who Andy Taylor is, you might as well quit reading here. Because Andy is good people — most folks from tiny rural towns are. Furthermore, I can relate to Andy. He was raised in church, he fingerpicks a flattop, he’s good with a joke, and he believes in skipping work to go fishing on occasion.
I don’t care which party he’s affiliated with, because I’m confident all Andy’s parties have plenty of potato salad.
You want his political record? Fine. Andy’s been sheriff since 1960. And, there’s never even been one auto accident in his town. Not a one. Andy’s the kind of guy who once grounded his own boy for not donating enough to the Needy Children’s Fund — let that sink in a moment.
He’s an extinct breed.
Andy’s got big ears, talks with a drawl, and sings Southern Gospel like your grandaddy did. And he’ll sing you whichever hymn you please. He knows the entire Baptist Hymnal by heart.
The best thing about Andy, is that he doesn’t campaign. In fact, he doesn’t give a damn who you vote for. He’s a simple man, not a self-promoter passing out flyers. He’d rather be catching a small-mouth bass on a cane pole — frankly, so would I.
In the only debate speech I ever heard him deliver, he said, “You’re either satisfied with me, or you’re not. And, uh, I guess we’ll find out when you vote.”
Good old Andy. The world could do with more of him. Some of his trademarks, like kindness, charity, and trust are more common among house cats than among politicians. The truth is, I think politics is just a very sick game played with our money.
Anyway, I’m voting for Andy. Because to tell you the truth, I’m gullible enough to believe he is still out there.