DEAR SEAN:
I want to ask this girl to marry me. I am 21, and she is 22, and we are completely in love. Her family is against our wedding and my family isn’t all about it either.
I have had some serious health issues since I was a child and I almost died several times so I know that life is short, more than other people. I asked a pastor what to do and he said it would be disrespectful to our parents to disobey them, but I am so confused, so what do I do? We just want to be together.
Thanks,
VERMONT-GUY
DEAR VERMONT:
First off: You do not need advice. Anyone who has “almost died several times” has already learned things I will never know.
Don’t get me wrong, I have had a few moments when I THOUGHT I was dying. But nothing like you.
I am not kidding. I am predisposed to episodes of something called “vasovagal syncope.” This is just a medical way of saying that
I pass out at the drop of a hat. It happens only when I get very freaked out.
People who experience vasovagal syncope experience lightheadedness, nausea, the feeling of being hot or cold (accompanied by sweating), ringing ears, confusion, inability to speak or form words, visual disturbances such as lights seeming too bright, tunnel vision, and (this is a real biggie) RELAXATION OF THE BOWEL MUSCLES. Then these people pass out.
I have passed out a lot. Once when I was a child, a faith healer from Tennessee came through our church. He asked if I “believed.” I told him I did. He did put his hand on my forehead and hissed like a snake.
I hate snakes.
I passed out. When I came to, something was very wrong. My mother took me into the bathroom and—I don’t mean to get too graphic—but my intestinal muscles had…