DEAR SEAN:
I’m sorry I’m emailing you cause I know you probably won’t answer this… I am in sixth grade and I don’t think my stepdad likes me cause he’s only been my stepdad for a year… But he’s not super talkative to me.
Ever since my mom has been with him I haven’t seen her because she’s always with him and not with me and I feel like I’m pretty much alone now. My real dad is not someone I know at all, so he’s pretty much nothing for us because he lives in California and never calls me or anything. I don’t know why I’m emailing. Anyway, that’s really it.
Okay, thanks,
SAD-GIRL-IN-GREENVILLE
DEAR GREENVILLE:
Let’s take a look at the American Guy.
I have here an illustrated anatomical chart of the American Guy’s brain. Yes, I realize the Guy Brain is a lot smaller than you expected.
But allow me to direct your attention to the Emotion Sector, way over here, located just above the Queso Dip sector, to the left of the Gaseous Bodily Noise sector. Notice how
small this emotional section is? Especially when this sector is compared to, for example, the Budweiser Lobe.
This tells us some important information about guys. Such as, guys are, by and large, very dumb.
I can say this because I am a guy. And therefore, I am dumb. I do not mean this negatively. It’s just a fact of nature. We are dumb compared to women, and this is just the truth.
On the Sixth Day of Creation, God took one look at man and said, “I can do better than this.” And then he did.
The problem with us guys, of course, is that we are not known for exhibiting emotions.
Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that guys don’t HAVE emotions. We do. It’s just that guys only show important emotions during critical events, such…