READER: What do we do about AI? I am a writer for a prominent publication, and artificial intelligence is already stealing some of my gigs. Yesterday, for instance, a fellow reporter used material written by ChatGPT, and it was actually published. As a writer, are you afraid of artificial intelligence taking over?

SEAN: At this point, I’d love it for any intelligence to take over.

READER: Hi, Sean. I think tipping has gotten out of control. We used to only tip our servers, now we’re expected to tip everyone and anyone wherever we buy services. It’s crazy. What do you think?

SEAN: I think a recent survey reported that 70 percent of Americans feel that tipping has gotten out of hand. So you’re not alone. Tipping for good service in a restaurant is one thing. Tipping at the supermarket self-checkout is another.

READER: I read something you wrote about Andy Griffith. You mispelled “Aunt Bea.” It’s really “Aunt Bee.” Two E’s.

SEAN: You misspelled “mispelled.”

READER: I don’t believe in angels. I don’t care that eight out of 10 Americans believe in them, it’s foolish. And when you write about it—just so you know—you lose all credibility to me as a journalist.

SEAN: I am not a journalist. I am a Little Debbie enthusiast with a laptop. However, I still believe in angels, no matter what you say. And if that makes me a fool… Well, God looks out for children and fools.

READER: Why don’t you shave your beard off? The picture of you in our newspaper looks like your face has been dipped into a giant can of hair.

SEAN: Be careful what you say. I am distant kin to Lon Chaney Jr.

READER: I was wondering what you think about the way this country is going right now? Do you believe that this generation is the downfall of America?

SEAN: I don’t believe in pointing fingers. However, the generation that raised the current generation might have a little something to do with it, too.

READER: I read an article on a news site where you were putting down the era of cellphones. But do you know what? I was actually reading your article ON A PHONE, so what do you say to that?

SEAN: I say you have terrible taste in reading material.

READER: You made fun of rich televangelists a few months ago. I realize it was just a cheap laugh, but members of my church sent the article to me, and it got my dander up. I was so disappointed in you because I am an evangelist, and I also own a large private plane. I have been preaching on TV for 22 years, spreading the Gospel. Does preaching the Gospel on TV make me a bad person?

SEAN: No, it’s your jet.

READER: I was wondering how you came to start writing. I am a writer, too. I read your stuff sometimes and I think to myself, “Hey, I could do that.” I am thinking of trying to become a full-time writer, but right now I work in sales. What do you think I should do?

SEAN: I think you should follow your heart. You only get one of those.

READER: You said recently that you believe prayer works. What about all the millions of people for whom prayer doesn’t work? I guess it’s convenient to say prayer works when someone gets healed. But what about when nothing happens even though everyone was praying?

SEAN: Prayer is not a magic spell. It is a conversation. It either changes your situation or it changes you.

READER: You said you think today’s country music is crap. I am a big fan of country music, especially the Brothers Osborne, and I was offended by your comments.

SEAN: Listen, friend, if I have insulted you, believe me.

READER: I am writing a five-page report for my college class, and we are supposed to pick an all-time hero to write about. I can’t find one, no matter how hard I try. I guess, I’m just not into hero worship, and it’s weird trying to find someone who you’d call a hero. Who is your all-time hero? Do you have one?

SEAN: Yes. I do. Her name is Becca Butler. She is 11 years old, and completely blind. She is my hero.

READER: I want to propose to my girlfriend, but I can’t seem to find the words, I am not a writer. Do you have any advice for me?

SEAN: Yes. ChatGPT.