I receive a lot of remarks in the form of emails, private messages, obscene hand gestures, etc. There’s no way I could answer all comments individually. So occasionally, I compile commonly asked questions and answer them in this column.

Q: SHAME ON YOU! YOU USED THE WORD “GODAWFUL” IN YOUR LAST COLUMN. I WAS OFFENDED BY THIS LANGUAGE, MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE QUIT READING YOU. WE ARE BOTH YOUTH MINISTERS AND WE ARE PUT OFF BY WORDS LIKE “GODAWFUL.”

A: Brace yourself, madam. Because you’re going to hear a lot worse than that in youth group.

Q: My son reads your column in our paper three times every week. He is 12 years old and he dressed up as Sean of the South this Halloween. People kept asking whether he was Chuck Norris.

A: Half that candy is mine.

Q: Why won’t you discuss politics, Sean? You remain silent, but you have a platform where you could share truth.

A: If you were to inject truth into politics, you’d have no politics. Will Rogers.

Q: A lot of your humor involves toilet humor. I find this unnecessary and upsetting. Your recent article about a gas leak in Calhoun, Georgia, you used gross and unnecessary potty humor. My grandchildren were reading your column in our newspaper! I immediately knew something was wrong when I heard them laughing as they read. Take your humor out of the toilet, Sean!

A: Trust me on this. A good fiber supplement will change your life.

Q: I am writing this because sometimes you explore your faith in your writings, and while it is good to grapple with matters of faith, it’s better to do this with the guidance of a spirit-filled pastor… You’re leading people astray with your lies and misconceptions about God… Hell is real, Sean. I KNOW where I’m going, do you know where you’re going?

A: Can I make my decision after you disclose where you’re going?

Q: I have seen you perform at the Grand Ole Opry twice, and I just wanted to ask what it felt like to be up there.

A: When your feet touch the ancient floorboards, salvaged from the original Ryman Auditorium stage, you will cry.

Those floorboards represent the history of an American artform. The history of my people. The radio broadcasts my father listened to in the toolshed. The floor where Roy Acuff once entertained a nation, where Hank Senior changed popular culture forever, where Dolly Parton dazzled audiences with her giant, massive, incomprehensibly enormous voice. There is simply nothing like it.

Q: I notice more and more typos in your work these days. You are in dire need of a qualified editor. I happen to be a professional editor. I can make your work on Facebook appear less juvenile and sophomoric.

A: Your to kind.

Q: My mom told me about your writing and I started reading it to my son and daughter. My husband took his own life when they were 12 and 13, just like your dad did. I wanted to ask if you think we should go to a therapist.

A: My opinion doesn’t matter. But therapy saved my life.

Q: I’m sorry, but your stories are total bull-[bad word].

A: Aw. Don’t be sorry.

Q: When am I going to meet you? I am 96 and I live in California. We need to hurry, though. I’d like to meet you sometime before we all get to heaven!

A: Didn’t you see the previous comments? I’m not going there.

Q: Did you know you have scammers who use your photo? They comment on your posts and try to get other commenters to give their personal financial information? Can’t anything be done about this?

A: Yes. Do not ever, EVER trust anyone who looks like me.

Q: I know you must receive a lot of angry messages, because I see irate commenters on your posts all the time—mostly religious people. I hope all those negative emails don’t get you down.

A: I appreciate that. Sometimes negativity can make one feel positively godawful.