I would like to suspend my usual lighthearted tone for a moment and talk seriously about a public issue that’s on everyone’s minds right now. I am of course talking about this year’s Cadbury Bunny Tryouts.
There are only a few days remaining in the Cadbury Bunny contest, which features cute pets from all over the country competing to win $5000 in prize money, and to become the next spokes-pet for Cadbury Creme Eggs.
This is not just any old contest. This is an opportunity for We the People to accomplish something good in this tired world by helping a hamster or a small pig win $5,000. You can do this by using your smartphone to cast a vote while you wait in the supermarket checkout line surrounded by millions of Americans who are buying shiploads of toilet paper.
For anyone who has been living beneath a rock, the Cadbury Bunny is an international mascot that’s been around since 1982, when the UK-based confectionery company began airing TV commercials starring a Flemish Giant rabbit that clucked like a chicken. This bunny had the unique ability to lift its magical tail and drop chocolaty spherical objects which brought joy to America.
As it happens, I once had a pet bunny named Bill who did the same thing. Bill often slept in my room and was always dropping chocolaty objects on my rug, but these did not bring joy to my mother.
Today, Cadbury Creme Eggs in the US are produced by the Hershey Company, and I know I speak for every human being alive when I say that they are the best invention of the twentieth century, with a close second being penicillin.
Cadbury has a history of clever advertising campaigns. Their classic “Bunny Tryouts” TV commercial has aired a bazillion times since its debut, and still airs today. This ad features a pig, a lion, and a cat, all wearing bunny ears, trying to cluck like a chicken, auditioning for the role of the Cadbury Bunny. Here is an excerpt from the actual commercial transcript:
PIG (wearing bunny ears): Snort, snort.
LION (wearing bunny ears): BRAAAHHKK!!!!!
CAT (wearing bunny ears): Meeow.
Gives me chills.
The lion trying to cluck is the best part. When we were kids, I remember watching this with my cousin, Ed Lee, until we knew it by heart.
One year for the Baptist Easter egg hunt we even wore lions’ manes and bunny ears to help Miss Wannamaker’s Sunday school class search for eggs. We chased the younger children while yelling “BRAAAHHHK!” in a lion-like roar until many kids were so filled with Easter Joy that they had to change their pastel trousers.
But getting back to the Cadbury tryouts. The race is heating up this year. There are ten promising finalists competing to become this year’s bunny. I’ll list the top five:
FIFTH: Dilly Bar Dabbler, from Springfield, Missouri. Dilly is a female Pekin duck who is no stranger to the camera, best known for her appearance as a calendar girl in the highly controversial 2019 PetsWay calendar, in which Dilly appeared partially clothed.
FOURTH: Clawing for fourth is Ginger the hamster, from Brentwood, Tennessee. In Ginger’s audition video she is seen crawling through dollhouses and driving limousines. The video reaches an exciting crescendo when Ginger stands still for fifteen seconds.
THIRD: Ducky, a pomeranian from Huntington Beach, California. Ducky was recently diagnosed with heart disease, but is hanging in there. For the audition, Ducky sat in one place, smiling, for over two minutes.
This might not seem like a big deal if you aren’t a dog owner. But if you have dogs, you know that your own dogs could never sit still and smile for two straight minutes, unless of course men in ski masks were robbing your house.
SECOND: Lieutenant Dan, of New Richmond, Ohio. Lt. Dan is a dog with only two legs because of a deformity that required his back legs and tail to be amputated. Dan belongs to Laura Weber who adopted him when he was five months old.
Weber told reporters, “He doesn’t know that he’s handicapped, he just knows he has this wonderful life to live, and he enjoys every day of it.”
Dan has prosthetic wheels attached to his hind section which enable him to run and play just like four-legged dogs. I do not want to sway your vote, but if you don’t vote for Lt. Dan, you might be going to hell.
FIRST: Lunchbox, a whopping twenty-four-pound stray cat from Oklahoma City, who has become a state-wide celebrity and is committed to advancing the cause of animal adoption, reminding people that no matter how bad you think this weary and sad world is, Lunchbox is hungry and needs to be fed again.
Well, I’m running out of room, but I urge you to make your voice heard by voting now. The polls are only open for a few more days, and wouldn’t it be nice to take your mind off depressing things for a minute and look at pictures of cuddly animals?
If Lt. Dan wins, his mother says she will throw a huge canine party. It is my sincere hope that Lt. Dan DOES win. And I hope he reads this so he will invite me to attend the victory bash. I will be the partygoer who shows up wearing a lion’s mane and bunny ears.
I’ll also be carrying some gift-wrapped toilet paper.
25 comments
Christopher Spencer - March 15, 2020 9:41 am
In order to vote you will have to submit your email address, name and birthdate. You will have to fill this out only once, then you can vote once per day.
Please vote for Lt Can.
Chris
https://bunnytryouts.cadburyusa.com/
Christopher Spencer - March 15, 2020 9:42 am
That is Lt Dan. I hate autocorrect lol
Steve Jaworowski - March 15, 2020 11:04 am
Awesome as usual. Thanks for making ne wake up with a smile
Melanie - March 15, 2020 12:37 pm
“Lieutenant Dan!” because the name 👍🏻
Ann - March 15, 2020 12:51 pm
This is sooo needed…you are the best, thank you…I’ll vote later..😉
Amy - March 15, 2020 12:56 pm
Sean you are the greatest! Thank you for the laughs this morning! I am going to vote for Lt Dan! (#1 fan from Talladega) 😊❤️
Tammy S. - March 15, 2020 1:13 pm
Might just have to risk hell. I’m a cat person. Go Lunchbox!!!
Terri - March 15, 2020 1:36 pm
Lt. Dan all the way!!
Berryman Mary M - March 15, 2020 2:30 pm
I vote for Lt. Dan!
Lynn Thomas - March 15, 2020 2:47 pm
Lt. Dan all the way. I just went and voted. You are allowed to vote once a day so, I’ll go back and vote again tomorrow.
Lynda - March 15, 2020 3:13 pm
Thank you, I needed this….go IT Dan!!!!
Wayne Conrad - March 15, 2020 3:17 pm
I voted for Lt. Dan!
Patricia Gibson - March 15, 2020 3:20 pm
Well I don’t know where to vote but bless you for not talking about the coronavirus. Is there a way to get a list of your tour stops and book signings?
Christopher Spencer - March 15, 2020 3:39 pm
Here is a link for voting
https://bunnytryouts.cadburyusa.com/
As to his appearances and book signings here is a link that shows them
https://seandietrich.com/events/
Brenda Braswell - March 15, 2020 3:58 pm
This is so funny! Just what we need to focus on in this day of craziness!
Jakki Stephenson - March 15, 2020 4:24 pm
Love it!
Linda Moon - March 15, 2020 5:11 pm
I wish I had known about this Civic opportunity as I waited in the grocery line yesterday. Lunchbox gets my vote. Lieutenant Dan would be my alternate choice because he enjoys every day of his wonderful life. I’ll be looking at my two actual furry cats today, and I’ll pull out old photos of the many other cats and dogs whose lives have ended. And then I’ll just float along DeNile River with Lt. Dan so I can enjoy THIS day of my Life!!
Myra - March 15, 2020 8:59 pm
I just voted for Lt. Dan … thanks for the head’s up! BTW, I was a little heartbroken not to see y’all in Montgomery today, but (trying to) understand. They say everything happens for a reason … (*sigh*) Safe travels, and we’ll catch you on down the line some day.
Nancy M - March 15, 2020 10:13 pm
Thanks to Christopher Spencer for the links and tips.
You had to cancel the book signing in Montgomery today. I’m sorry, but now I don’t feel so bad about not coming. Maybe next time, I hope.
KiKi - March 15, 2020 10:48 pm
LT. Dan has some cute competition! He got my vote though. I hope he wins.
Steve Winfield (Lifer) - March 15, 2020 11:13 pm
🙂
Steve Winfield (Lifer) - March 15, 2020 11:18 pm
Another one for Dan. My Oscar Mayer Weiner dog, (His real registered name), is handicapped too. Only thing, we can’t afford the Prozac.
brayden - March 24, 2020 10:48 pm
haha
Becky Souders - April 19, 2020 1:36 am
Lt. Dan did indeed win! What great “bunny” for Cadbury!
Mary Hicks - April 26, 2020 6:36 pm
Well as usual, I am late. I would have voted for My. Dan! Thanks again, Sean. God bless you and Jamie and Thelma Lou.