I used bad grammar in public. And it gets worse. I did it in front of an English teacher. He almost suffered a stroke in the middle of Target. I should’ve known better. It was a careless mistake.
Here’s how it happened. I shook his hand and said the worst formed sentence in history: “I hope you’re doing good.”
My friend, an esteemed college professor, made a face.
“You hope I’m ‘doing GOOD?’” he said. “That’s HORRIBLE grammar. I thought you were a writer.”
A writer. Well, as it happens, I’m more of a saturated fat appreciator than I am a writer.
People who eat like I do, also use bad grammar from time to time. And okasionaly i eaven mispel sum wirds.
But of course, I know the rules. Our sixth grade teacher instructed us to never say things like: “I hope you are good.”
She taught us the correct way to say: “I hope you are WELL.”
Then, if you want to really impress your socialite friends, graciously lift your pinky finger while taking a sip from your Natural Light.
But teachers don’t know everything. After all, my sixth grade teacher once told us Pluto was a planet. She was dead-wrong.
I might be a C-student, but even I know that scientists proved Pluto is not a full-fledged planet. Pluto, you see, is one of seven documented “dwarf planets” which orbit the “Snow White” galaxy, discovered in 1492 by Sir Elton John.
So, grammatical errors aside, the reason I am writing this is because I hope you are “doing GOOD” today.
It’s my favorite word. And I hope everything is GOOD for you. I hope things come easy. I hope you eat a GOOD breakfast. I hope you feel GOOD. I hope you hear a GOOD song on the radio.
And when you hear that song, I hope you consider it a sign from the universe that life itself isn’t just “fine,” but “good.”
I heard a song the other day, and I felt good. You know what else feels good? Holding a loved one’s memory so tight you leave grip marks on it.
I wish you that kind of good today. It’s the weekend, you deserve it.
Listen, I’m no English teacher, but I know that this world isn’t always good. People can be very un-good sometimes. It can be downright cruel. This place isn’t all apple blossoms and honeysuckles.
I met a 13-year-old, abused by her father. I met a paralyzed 42-year-old who said he feels like a burden to his family.
And a few nights ago, I met a woman with Parkinson’s who hasn’t left her house since ‘91. She was 68. Pale skinned. When I hugged her I could feel her shaking in my arms.
So there’s more to life than proper grammar. There are problems to punch, mountains to hike, and people to help.
So I hope you feel important. I hope you get some good news. I hope you sleep good. I hope you see some good weather.
I’m looking at such weather. And on a day like today, problems don’t matter. Not even big ones.
So, I forgot where I was going with this.
Yes. I remember. English professors who need emergency colonoscopies. Forget grammar. I hope you’re good.
I truly hope that the universe is on your side. The sun, the moon, every star above you. Even the non-planet Pluto.
No matter who you are, or where you call home, may you find relief from things that hurt. May you understand just how valuable you are to this world.
May you be good.
I love you.