I’m afraid cause its my schools dance party and what should I do about a boy who I like? I dont think hes even going to ask me about the party if no one does something quick.
We are supposed to have are dance partners all ready but I don’t. So should I wait so he can ask me, or can I ask him since I’m a girl?
My grandma said ask you since my parents are not alive anymore.
You have a crisis on your hands. This is serious. But before I say anything else, let me first clarify what your letter says so I can make sure I understand correctly:
1. You are 10 years old.
2. There is a school dance.
3. You want to go.
4. With a cute boy.
5. And you want him to invite you.
6. But he’s a guy.
7. And guys are too busy picking belly-button lint to realize what’s going on.
8. Which is exactly how I spent my entire school year when I was 10 years old.
All this has you conflicted. On one hand, you want to go to the dance with this boy. On the other, girls don’t traditionally ask boys to dances—although this rule never made sense to me.
So basically you’re stuck.
Well, the first thing I can tell you is try to get used to it. Because it won’t be the last time.
I stress this because when you get older you’ll be tempted to feel bad about yourself when you get confused about romance. Someday your heart might get broken and you’ll want to point the blame at yourself.
I don’t know why, but we tend to blame ourselves when something doesn’t work out. And when we’re lonely, it’s easy to think we’re not good-looking enough, or popular enough, or wearing the right shoes.
But don’t do that. You’re perfect. In fact, you’re better than perfect. You’re you.
Furthermore, I can guarantee that if this boy isn’t noticing you it has nothing to do with your movie-star looks, magnetic personality, or your superb taste in columnists.
This is a communication issue. And luckily, such issues can be fixed. So let’s get down to the nuts and washers.
Now, I bet you think you’re giving off all the classic signals of a girl who is dying to be asked to a dance, right? And in Girl Universe you’re probably doing it textbook.
The problem is, this boy lives in Boy Universe and is currently tied up doing important things like experimenting with bottle rockets on the extremities of Ken dolls. He’s distracted.
So we have a few options here.
Certainly, we could get his attention by walking up to him and asking him to the dance. But that’s uncomfortable, and we are afraid of weirding him out. Which would only put us further from our goal. So this means we have to be smart.
How? How do we make sure this boy notices you, and more importantly, asks you to a dance? The answer is: trickery.
But I’m getting ahead of myself. First let me tell you a story given to me by my wife’s friend Anne.
When Anne was in seventh grade her school used to throw square-dance parties wherein middle-aged teachers would dress up like characters from “Little House on the Prairie” and force students to dance in the gymnasium.
After the square-dance portion of the event, children were then administered large doses of RC Cola and sugary baked goods, whereupon everyone danced freestyle to songs like “YMCA” and “Play That Funky Music.”
Then came the slow dances. In seventh grade, slow dancing was where things got real.
Well, Anne had a problem.
Anne was madly in love with her friend Matt. But Matt was clueless because Matt was your prototypical boy. Matt spent most of his waking hours concerning himself with issues involving relief pitching and armpit music.
So Anne did something ingenious. Her mother, who was from a small town in Mississippi, came up with an idea. Anne would get Matt’s attention by baking a traditional Mississippi chocolate cake, something her mother nicknamed a “Dance Cake.”
The cake was enormous. According to Anne, it was a huge, “homemade chocolate monument to insulin.” At the dance, Anne placed the cake onto the food table and talked to Matt with pure confidence.
She said, “Look, I baked this.”
Matt reflected on this statement then excitedly tried to help himself to a slice of cake, whereupon Anne slapped his hand.
“No,” she said. “This is a Dance Cake.”
Matt failed to grasp the deeper meaning, so Anne explained: “Anybody who eats a piece of my Dance Cake has to dance with me.”
And do you know what? It worked. Anne tells me they danced together all night, waltzing on the gymnasium floor to the 1981 anthem, “At This Moment” by Billy Vera and the Beaters.
I got in touch with Anne this morning and asked for permission to share her story. She texted me back right away and do you know what her reply text read?
“My mom says it also works on marriage proposals.”
So relax, you’re 10 years old, enjoy your life. Be yourself. Be confident. Don’t ever sell yourself short. Make sure your cake is done in the middle. And whatever you do, never, ever stop writing letters to me.
Because I promise, we are more alike than you might know.