[dropcap]I[/dropcap] first logged on Facebook in 2009. Social media was a new concept. I could see what all six of my friends had to say about themselves. Usually, only a sentence or two.

I remember posting: Hello world, it’s Tuesday.

I’m not sure why.

Before long, my entire hometown was online. I accrued two hundred Facebook friends overnight. I kept current on everyone’s lives without having to wear pants.

Right on my computer.

It was great.

Like when Uncle Pete bought a bulldog better-looking than he was. Or when Aunt Edna got hacked. Obscene photos popped up on her wall, and we all assumed she was the one in the pictures. Two hundred comments later; the whole town banded together to buy her a better camera.

After a few years, Facebook changed. My newsfeed deteriorated into mush. Teenage selfies, superhero hamsters, and some rotund fella in a Speedo, dancing aerobics. Then there’s those multiple-choice tests to see which Disney Princess you most resemble.

I got Cinderella’s stepsister.

Some viral tidbits are ridiculous. Take for instance: the video of my second cousin twerking along to the National Anthem. Three million views. It left me speechless – with my hand over my heart.

That boy ain’t never been right.

How about the quiz to discover your ideal soulmate? I was excited about that one. After a forty-five minute test, they told me to try Craigslist. And don’t forget all the inappropriate pics my sweet aunt Edna posts. She has over ten thousand followers now.

We should’ve never bought her that camera.

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