Green Thumb

[dropcap]M[/dropcap]y wife has a green thumb. She can grow almost anything by taking a clipping. The woman could plant bacon in the dirt, and in a few months we’d have a baby sow wandering around the backyard. I don’t have that talent. I tried to plant an empty can of beer once. Nothing happened. I also tried planting a dollar bill.

The next day, the dollar had turned into three quarters.

Jamie’s a thief about plant clippings. Her favorite thing to do is to visit places with lots of plants. Then, when no one’s looking, she pinches one leaf from the stem and hides it in her purse. It’s unethical, but she’s been doing it for years. In fact, every plant we have in our house is an illegal clone.

She’s never bought a single one.

They all come from clippings.

You want succulents? We have thousands. Creeping Pliea, or Sweedish Ivy? We have so much I’m afraid it’s going to strangle me in the night and steal all my beer.

Yesterday, I was in the hardware store buying lightbulbs. Across the store, I spotted a familiar face in the garden section. It was Jamie. I saw her pinch a leaf from a potted plant. I busted her cold.

“Jamie Dietrich,” I scolded. “Open up your purse.”

She refused.

So, I grabbed at her purse. “You’ve got to stop this behavior. It’s wrong.”

Jamie screamed at the top of her lungs, “Thief! Help! He’s trying to steal my purse. Someone stop this man!”

And that’s exactly what the manager did.

1 comment

  1. Harriet White - Atlanta - January 7, 2020 10:21 pm

    Hahaha! Omg Jamie!


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