Dear Connor and Leslie Ann,

Congratulations on the day of your wedding. I wish to impart some advice to you two. You should know, however, this is not my advice, necessarily. I have garnered these tidbits from several older married couples whom I interviewed, strictly for the purposes of this column.

Gary and Delores have been married for 54 years. Gary says: “My grandson asked what it’s like to be married, so I told him to ‘LEAVE ME ALONE!’ When he did, I asked why he was ignoring me.”

Simon and Anne have been married 60 years. They were married the same year Kennedy was shot. “You can either be happy or you can be right. But you can’t be both.”

Lydia and Eddie, 48 years: “Nobody tells you that you don’t fall in love before you’re married. It takes years and years to fall in love. A little more every day.”

Pamela and James have been married 49 years. Pam says: “Don’t go to bed mad. Stay up all night and fight.”

Pearl and Jacob say: “If you are wondering whether you can survive on love, you can. You’ll just be really skinny.”

Dan and Kristie say: “Don’t ever use absolutes such as, ‘You never,’ or ‘You always.’ They never work, and you always end up sounding like an absolute idiot.”

Karen and Dale have been married for 41 years: “I once gave my wife the silent treatment for about a week, and at the end of the week she said, ‘Hey, we’re getting along pretty good, lately, aren’t we?’”

Linda and David: “My wife and I got together when she was 15, which was good for me because my wife never knew what she was missing.”

Kevin and Rachel: “Don’t ever point out your husband’s weaknesses during an argument. Wait until the next morning.”

Ron and Tiffany have been married for 32 years. “I told my nephew that I haven’t spoken to my wife in 20 years, and that was how come our marriage worked. My nephew was like, ‘Why haven’t you spoken to her?’ I told him ‘Because she hasn’t stopped talking.’”

Ella and Charles, 59 years: Ella says, “I always tell my daughters, ‘Remember that the grass is always greener over the septic tank.”

Donald and Carol: “Remember, girls, that whenever you feel like one of you married down, one of you married up.”

Peter and Catherine, 56 years. “When we first got married, I told my husband that I had a dream he’d given me a diamond bracelet for our 30th anniversary. He just smiled at me and said, ‘Wait until tonight, and you’ll see.’ That night, he gave me a book called ‘Interpreting Your Dreams.’”

Sylvia and Tyler. “If your mom is laughing at your dad’s jokes, it means there are guests in your living room.”

Randall and Lora: “There are only two rules to being married: Number 1: Your wife does NOT snore. Rule Number 2: If your wife ever DOES snore, revert back to Rule Number 1.”

Terry and Michael, 44 years: “If you marry and you get a perfect husband, you will be a happy person. If you get an imperfect husband, then you’ll be a human.”

Harry and Meredith: “Marriage has no guarantees, if it’s guarantees you’re looking for, marry a set of Ginsu knives.”

Sarah and Greg, 49 years: “When we got married it was for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse.”

Gina and Todd, 55 years: “If you ever think that women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.”

Sandra and Thomas, 62 years. “If you’re not laughing together, you’re not really married.”

Rhonda and Brian, 55 years: “If you ever start to think you’ve got marriage figured out, just ask your wife if that’s true.”

Dori and Andrew, 58 years: “A good husband is someone who, after taking out the trash, acts like he cleaned the whole house.”

Congratulations, Connor and Leslie Ann. Many happy years to you both.