The last thing anyone wants to do in cold weather is deal with self-centered, rambunctious, barnyard pigs. At least that’s what Gayle tells me.

Try to imagine this scene: Gayle is standing in a hog pen, wearing her nightgown, slippers, and a winter coat, swinging a garden rake at a bunch of pigs. Why, you might ask?

Let me back up.

Earlier that morning, Gayle’s neighbor Rob was feeding his pigs. The excited pigs acted like they hadn’t eaten in a decade—even though Rob had fed them hours earlier. They rammed Rob against the fence.

They knocked him down and trampled his leg. He screamed. And he discovered he’d broken his leg and couldn’t walk.

Luckily Rob had his cellphone. He called Gayle, his closest neighbor, while he was lying in the mud. He barely knew her, but she was closer than a hospital.

Gayle answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hi, Gayle,” he said. “It’s your neighbor, Rob.”

“Hi, Rob, what’s up?”

Rob, lying in the mud, glanced at the greedy pigs, eating slop over his limp and lifeless body. “Oh, not much,” he said. “What have you been up to lately?”

“Not much. How are you?”

“Can’t complain. Hey listen, are you busy?”

At the time, she was babysitting her daughter’s children. She was making breakfast, baking cookies, doing grandma things.

“A little busy,” she said. “Why?”

“No reason,” he said. “I’ve broken my leg and I think I’m dying.”

She threw the kids into the truck, then raced to Rob’s house. She found him lying in the pen, covered in muck.

“I don’t know how Gayle did it,” Rob explains. “I thought I was hallucinating, I mean here comes this crazy lady in a nightgown, fighting pigs with a garden rake, lifting me into the truck all by herself.”

But Gayle’s not crazy. Not technically. She was a fifty-seven-year-old, independent, and tough woman. She’d survived one husband and raised three adult children.

Lift a full grown man? Gayle could have carried two. On her shoulders. Uphill. Blindfolded. Walking backward. While reciting the Gettysburg Address. In Latin.

She says, “Adrenaline just takes over.”

Rob was trying to be manly about things, and keep a stiff upper lip. By this I mean that on the way to the hospital he passed out on Gayle’s lap and drooled all over her nightgown.

“I barely knew him,” says Gayle. “I’d seen him at church a few times, I knew he lived alone, but that was about it.”

She helped him into the emergency room. Rob, still trying to act as masculine as possible, screamed in a tone of voice most often used by schoolgirls and pre-pubescent boy bands.

The triage nurse looked at his muddy leg and said, “What happened to him?”

“It was his pig,” Gayle said.

“His what?” said the nurse.

“Pig.”

“His pig?”

“Yes.”

“That musta been some pig.”

That’s when Rob calmly pointed out, “GIVE ME SOME FREAKING PAINKILLERS!”

They rushed him to a room. Gayle stayed with him all night while doctors cared for him. For supper, Gayle and Rob ate from hospital trays. The meal was ham, potatoes, and gravy.

Rob laughs. “I couldn’t believe they served ham, of all things.”

“Revenge is sweet,” adds Gayle.

Or at least in this case, it was hickory smoked.

When they released Rob he was pretty loopy from medication. Gayle says he was mumbling things like:

“You’re so pretty, Gayle. Have I told you how pretty? Please do pretty stuff tomorrow. I have to puke now, okay? God bless you, Gayle, you’re a great American.”

Gayle drove him home. But she couldn’t leave him at his house. Not in his condition. Besides, he DID say she was pretty. And Rob was kinda cute. So, forced to make a decision, it appeared as though Gayle had no choice, being the Samaritan that she was, but to lock Rob in her spare bedroom without his verbal consent.

Gayle darted into his house, packed his toothbrush, a suitcase, and his clothes. Gayle placed Rob in her spare bedroom. For two weeks she cooked for him, read him books, and controlled his meds.

Each day, she waited for Rob to say something else about how pretty she was, but he didn’t. So she upped his medication to speed things along.

“My kids didn’t like it,” Gayle admits. “They were like, ‘Mama, you don’t even know this stranger in your house.’ But I knew he was a good guy.”

During those weeks, Gayle and Rob became friends. They had long conversations that lasted into the nights. They shared suppers together. Watched television. She told him about her kids, and her late husband. He told her about his childhood, and how he’d once been married to a woman who, in the end, turned out to be a psychopath.

“We played a lotta gin rummy,” Rob tells me. “I lost a lot.”

Eventually, he was well enough to walk. And when it was time to leave, it was awkward saying goodbye.

Gayle says, “I didn’t want him to go. So I just kissed his cheek and told him that he was pretty. And we just laughed.”

And he left.

When Christmas came, Gayle’s family was pleased to see Rob knocking on the door. He brought wine, and his leg was wrapped in a hard plastic boot. She welcomed him inside her home. And after thirteen years of marriage, she’s been stuck with him ever since.

“I sold the pigs,” Rob says.

“Yep,” Gayle adds. “And on our wedding night, I carried him over the threshold.”

34 comments

  1. Linda D. - December 5, 2019 6:40 am

    Oh Sean, that’s a pigtastic story! Loved it!

    Reply
  2. Karen Greatrix - December 5, 2019 7:20 am

    What a love story.

    Reply
  3. Sharon Lawson - December 5, 2019 10:29 am

    What a wonderful story! Thanks for sharing it.

    Reply
  4. Steven Paul Bailey - December 5, 2019 10:46 am

    Wonderful.

    Reply
  5. missusmux - December 5, 2019 10:55 am

    Hilarious, heartwarming and delightful story. Thanks for expressing it so beautifully. God works in mysterious ways!

    Reply
  6. Lita - December 5, 2019 11:20 am

    Love this.

    Reply
  7. MaryJane Breaux - December 5, 2019 11:42 am

    Porcine perfection!

    Reply
  8. Elizabeth - December 5, 2019 11:50 am

    Perfect!

    Reply
  9. LeAnne - December 5, 2019 12:26 pm

    Ha! I love this, Sean! Great story, fabulous writing. Thank you!

    Reply
  10. Edy - December 5, 2019 12:34 pm

    That’s a beautiful story!

    Reply
  11. Phil S. - December 5, 2019 1:17 pm

    Oh, man, what a neat story!

    Reply
  12. Margaret C. - December 5, 2019 1:26 pm

    Love this story!

    Reply
  13. John in Texas - December 5, 2019 1:40 pm

    Now I’m waiting for this to come out as the Hallmark movie of the week! 😁

    Reply
  14. Shelton A. - December 5, 2019 1:53 pm

    Don’t look a hungry pig in the eye! LOL! Great story with a happy ending, too. Can’t ask for more….

    Reply
  15. Sharon - December 5, 2019 2:10 pm

    Great story. Thank you Sean.

    Reply
  16. Ann - December 5, 2019 2:13 pm

    I have hope! And this needs to be a Hallmark movie! Lol. Loved it.

    Reply
  17. Ann - December 5, 2019 2:16 pm

    Oh, and that was always my favorite saying Charlotte wrote in her web for Wilbur. “Some Pig”.

    Reply
  18. Marilyn - December 5, 2019 2:17 pm

    I like happy endings!! And John, you are right, this would make a good Hallmark movie. Starting my morning off on the right foot, Sean, with your story and a cup of coffee, like I do every day…

    Reply
  19. Cheryl - December 5, 2019 2:48 pm

    Oh, that is just delightful! The only way it could be better is if they were Charlotte and Wilber…. 😊

    Reply
  20. Janie F. - December 5, 2019 2:53 pm

    Ain’t it amazing what happens when a man tells a woman she’s pretty? Just kidding, couldn’t resist! This story made me laugh out loud. I could just see the scene in the pig pen. Sean, you are a treasure!

    Reply
  21. Rhonda - December 5, 2019 2:53 pm

    There ain’t nothing tougher than a poor Mama. She will save your life just so she can give you a much needed “dost of blaspheme”. Said a Saint with a cigarette one time.

    Reply
  22. Steve Winfield - December 5, 2019 3:12 pm

    Ditto to all the above!
    Love, Steve.

    Reply
  23. Fred Borders - December 5, 2019 3:55 pm

    Good Job Sean!

    Reply
  24. Edna Barron - December 5, 2019 4:37 pm

    Wonderful story. I enjoyed this one. You have a wonderful day, hugs, Edna B.

    Reply
  25. Linda Moon - December 5, 2019 4:37 pm

    Does the phrase he/she eats like a pig relate to your description of Rob’s greedy pigs? …..just wondering. Rob’s mumbles were attempts to thank Gayle….and the 13-year marriage came about. I love this! You never know who might show up in your life who changes everything for 13 years and more, i.e. a cute guy in a red Corvette!!

    Reply
  26. Connie Havard Ryland - December 5, 2019 4:41 pm

    Thanks for the heart smile this morning. What a sweet story! Gives an old lady hope that someday someone will come along for me. Lol. Love and hugs.

    Reply
  27. Jenn - December 5, 2019 4:58 pm

    Who took care of the pigs while he recuperated?

    Reply
  28. Pat Batchelder - December 5, 2019 6:13 pm

    Great story, loved every bit of it.

    Reply
  29. Ala Red Clay Girl - December 5, 2019 8:35 pm

    Great story! And yes, pigs are just like that.

    Reply
  30. Dell Corley - December 5, 2019 9:38 pm

    Best laugh I’ve had all day from that last line!!

    Reply
  31. jack - December 5, 2019 9:57 pm

    I am sure you have either skipped your meds or doubled them. Just sayin’. But there is one line that is a fact, if you slop a hog an hour after thy ate 5 gallons they will act like they haven’t eaten in weeks.
    Now go to bed and rest…… 😉

    Reply
  32. Dawn Bratcher - December 5, 2019 11:25 pm

    ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❣

    Reply
  33. MermaidGrammy - December 6, 2019 1:23 pm

    Has to be the best love story ever!

    Reply
  34. Dru Brown - December 7, 2019 1:21 am

    Ann, that’s just what I thought.

    Reply

Leave a Comment