Women to my left. Women to my right. Pastel colors everywhere. Enough conflicting perfume scents to make my head swim. This might be the largest female gathering on planet earth.
And I’m in their hotel lobby.
If you want to know what I’m talking about, visit Atlanta during a Mary Kay convention. You’ll see women of every shape, size, and hair-color—too many different Southern accents to count.
Such as the eighty-year-old woman who sits next to me while I’m eating a lukewarm complimentary breakfast. Her daughters are with her— granddaughters too.
“We ah from Marietta,” the elderly lady says, using eleven syllables.
Then, instead of shaking my hand, Mamaw extends her wrist. Kind of like the Queen of England does when she blesses a NASCAR race.
Anyway, I’m not sorry about my strong affections for the women of Dixie. There’s something special about them, and I’ll die believing that.
They are well-behaved, and unpredictable. Using only one breath, they can cuss you blind, then turn around and preach a full-blown sermon. Sometimes they do both at once, using so much charm you end up thanking them for it.
They dress to the nines, often spending upwards of six hours before a bathroom mirror. Like the lady I saw wearing ten-inch heels, a puff-pink suit, and fourteen feet of hairspray. It must’ve taken her a week to get ready.
Or the young girl in the hoop-skirt and bonnet—it took three grown men to get her out of the hotel elevator.
My tenderness for these females runs deep. This might have a lot to do with the food they make. They can whip up cornbread, crank out biscuits, and deep fry a hundred chicken livers before you’ve even brushed your teeth. They’re not ashamed to eat what they make, and by God, they don’t expect you to be either.
They are short, tall, round, skinny, well-bred, and just a little red in the neck. They can convert church bulletins into a hand-fans, take sermon notes on an old envelope, and won’t hesitate to tan the hide of a sass-mouth—even if he’s is in his forties.
She’ll watch football, out-scream you at a tailgate party, open beer bottles with car keys, and stink up your house with a fresh pot of collards.
She’s a single mother, a widow, a full-time employee, craftswoman, housecleaner, church lady, cracker-jack bridge player, bedmaker, and a Mary Kay sales associate.
She can pay her own taxes, cut her own grass, train your coonhound, sew her own clothes, hold Bible study in her living room, and throw one hell of a baby-shower. She is confection sugar on the outside; one hundred percent black powder underneath.
Take a good look at her, this isn’t the perfect woman. She’s even better than that.
She is Southern.
Melissa Sanders - September 30, 2016 6:52 am
Peggy Black - March 27, 2017 12:16 pm
Love this!!! You are waaay too kind!!!
Nina Mae - March 27, 2017 1:15 pm
As a Southern woman, I thank you for your kind words. Only a true son of the South would recognize the true worth of we gals from Dixie!
TheNewBaroness - March 27, 2017 3:38 pm
“100% black powder underneath “…genius!
june - March 27, 2017 4:01 pm
Susan Victoria - March 27, 2017 4:48 pm
Nancy Kane - March 27, 2017 9:46 pm
Honey child, you nailed it!
Gail Campbell - March 28, 2017 1:18 am
Oh my, Darlin, you hit the nail on the head. ?
Catherine Weed - March 28, 2017 2:17 am
I love your writing. They way that you coax us in and then deliver a sweet surprise is mesmerizing! If only I had that talent! I love to write. Not talk. Write.
You have the ability to talk when you write! Your voice is so strong! I can’t wait to read your books!
Catherine Weed - March 28, 2017 2:19 am
June RouLaine Phillips - March 28, 2017 4:27 am
Well aren’t you just sweet as pie. I can tell your Momma raised you right. Thank you
Terry - March 28, 2017 8:11 am
Bless your heart!
Kay Fulmer - March 31, 2017 4:39 pm
I do believe you are “Lewis Grizzard” reincarnated!!! Love, love all your stories!!!
Donna Bell - April 13, 2017 6:49 am
Live in the Deep South and we love our Greens, Fried Chicken and of course Corn Bread ! My Sister makes the Best pan of Cornbread you have ever eaten. It is so crispy on the outside and the inside you can taste the butter and the buttermilk flavors!Mmmm So Good ! There is nothing like good Southern Food ! BUT of course my favorites are the SWEETS ! It would take me too long to describe all of my favorites !
Tracy Pierce - September 29, 2017 3:02 pm
You must know the same women that I know.
Anne Trawick - March 27, 2018 3:40 am
Thank you. I feel the same way about you.
Steve W. - November 8, 2019 7:41 am
And… You know how to butter them girls like a cat head biscuit.
My baking has made 1 or 2 swoon on occasion too.
We’ll keep this between us, won’t we?
Love you dearly.