The Sandwich

Do this. Get a tomato. Not just any tomato. A Slocomb, Alabama, tomato. Make sure the tomato is firecracker-red and softer than the hindcheeks of a 2-month-old. Find a serrated knife. Cut said tomato into thick slices about the width of the unabridged edition of “Shogun.”

Tomatoes from Geneva County, Alabama, are different from common varieties. They are superior tomatoes.

In fact, top archaeology scholars at Columbia University now believe that the original Garden of Eden was located just north of Highway 52 in Geneva County. And most experts agree that the forbidden fruit consumed by Adam and Eve was originally purchased from the Hendrix Farm Produce tomato stand.

Next, find two slices of Sunbeam bread. In a pinch, you can use Bunny Bread, Wonderbread, or Colonial bread. But stay away from any bread with packaging labels that read something like, “59 whole grains and seeds!” or “3,234 grams of dietary fiber!” This isn’t real bread but an abrasive material meant for sanding boat hulls.

Consequently, if all you have in your pantry is “gluten-free” or “keto” bread, please stop reading here and go back to California.

Once you have your white, floppy, flaccid, tasteless bread ready, open a jar of Duke’s mayonnaise. Duke’s is the brand with the canary-yellow lid, manufactured and packaged by real evangelical seminary graduates so you know it’s sacred, mostly.

If you don’t have any Duke’s, you’re not totally out of luck. Blue Plate mayonnaise will also work nicely. Bama mayonnaise is also a winner.

Hellmann’s, however, isn’t fit for consumption by a golden retriever. Similarly, Miracle Whip is neither a “miracle,” nor a “whip,” but the brainchild of communists sympathizers who don’t love the Lord. And Kraft mayo is industrial doorknob lubricant.

It bears mentioning, if all you have in your refrigerator is a kind of mayonnaise labeled “light” or “low fat” please forfeit your tomato to someone who will use it correctly and resume doing Crossfit until your buttocks turn into tiny shriveled prunes.

Next, use a No. 8 masonry trowel to apply approximately one gallon of approved mayonnaise onto your limp, lifeless, nutrition-free bread. If the bread is still visible after mayonnaise application, you did it wrong.

Step Four. Carefully place slices of tomato onto your prepared bread. If, by chance, your bread has already absorbed too much mayonnaise and tomato juices and is now disintegrating into a papier-mache-like puddle on your kitchen counter, and it no longer resembles bread, congratulations, you’re on the right track.

Salt and pepper to taste.

If you discover that you are tempted to add cheese or onions or lettuce or something else weird to your sandwich, thereby violating the Holy Trinity of tomatoes, mayo and bread, please step away from the cutting board. Take deep breaths, open a can of Natural Light and start sipping until the urge passes.

Next, place both segments of your sandwich together slowly and softly. Warning: Do not compress sandwich. Do not cut sandwich in half. Do not even blink or your sandwich will fall apart.

Now, gently lift your sandwich—very gently—as though you are assisting in a heart transplant operation. Walk across the kitchen and stand over the sink. Say grace silently.

Go ahead, we’ll wait.

To eat sandwich, open mouth wide, place one corner into mouth and bite firmly. Your tomato wedges should slip from between the pieces of bread, shooting forward, falling directly into your sink, leaving you with two naked pieces of bread. If this does not happen you did not use enough mayonnaise.

Retrieve tomato hunks from the basin of your nasty, crud-covered, salmonella-encrusted sink while cussing liberally.

Replace mangled remains of tomato onto sandwich and attempt to eat sandwich a second time, making sure to mash your soggy, glutenous, snot-like bread pieces together until they are indistinguishable from lumps of Elmer’s Glue.

After the third or fourth bite, the front of your shirt should be stained red, covered in tiny seeds and your kitchen should look like a hog killing has recently been performed on the linoleum.

When your sandwich expenditure is finished, you can slap yourself heartily on the shoulder because you have just eaten a proper tomato sandwich. You may now recite the ceremonial benediction uttered by Alabamians statewide every summer:

“Thank you, Lord, for bananas,
“Granny Smiths and Tropicana,
“But most of all, for all the ‘maters,
“Raised in Slocomb, Alabama.”

Amen.

111 comments

  1. Anne Arthur - July 1, 2022 4:20 am

    You are talking to a tomato lover. So be it.

    Reply
  2. Joe - July 1, 2022 4:31 am

    You are getting soft. Can’t believe you condone conduct like substituting for Dukes. Never buy anything else and have plenty of Dukes at all times so you won’t have to use inferior Mayo.

    Reply
  3. Melanie - July 1, 2022 4:36 am

    Oh my gosh I am sooo hungry now 🍅🥪😋🤤😆

    Reply
  4. Susan Kennedy - July 1, 2022 4:44 am

    Dang. Where’s a tomato when you need one at 12:43 am!!

    Reply
  5. Linda Willson - July 1, 2022 4:45 am

    Ok, I’m armed with the proper Mayo (Duke rules!), potato bread, my one diversion from your plan but I really need for you to ship a basket of those tomatoes to me. I’m in search mode for a true farm raised, red, delicious tomato. I’m not sure what they do to tomato plants now but they just don’t produce the tomatoes I ate as a child…

    Reply
  6. Lori Lipsky - July 1, 2022 4:57 am

    I don’t like tomatoes, but apparently I enjoy reading about them. Especially when you’re doing the writing.

    Reply
  7. CHARALEEN WRIGHT - July 1, 2022 5:20 am

    ❤️

    Reply
  8. Debbie - July 1, 2022 5:35 am

    Brings back memories. I had forgotten about tomato sandwiches. 😋

    Reply
  9. Sandra Schumann - July 1, 2022 5:44 am

    Nom, Nom, Nom, Nom…..

    Reply
    • Perry - July 1, 2022 11:34 am

      From one tomato sandwich lover to another- try one time toasting the bread. I think you might like it!

      Reply
  10. Faye - July 1, 2022 6:29 am

    Dinner in Mineral County tonight. Locally grown tomato, homemade bread, Dukes! Eat your heart out.

    Reply
  11. Ellen - July 1, 2022 7:23 am

    Amen and amen!

    Reply
  12. Steve McCaleb - July 1, 2022 7:32 am

    One of the few tutorials I’ve ever read that was absolutely and completely spot on. That was perfect. However….be advised that I will expect another equally detailed tutorial dealing with the onrushing withdrawal effects when tomato season is over in Geneva County and we all have to go back to eating those imitation tomatoes grown in a hothouse behind a big chicken coop in Elefino, Florida by a convicted felon named Fred. Those will be sad times

    Reply
  13. Sandi. - July 1, 2022 8:06 am

    I agree with you, Sean. The very best way to eat a fresh tomato sandwich is standing at the kitchen sink!.

    Reply
  14. Jim - July 1, 2022 9:54 am

    “Boy sick. Need doctor”. – Tarzan
    Translated into Southern… “sumpins wrong with this youngin”. :)-

    Reply
  15. JEff WEBB - July 1, 2022 10:06 am

    Sean this sounds like most of my lunches and some suppers over the past two weeks. You see on Tuesdays I have to be on the North side of Montgomery. In fact I drive right by the State Farmers Market at the Coliseum. My truck has been drawn into the parking lot, and yes they have a plentiful supply of Slocomb Maters.
    I get home and start preparing just about the way you describe. I carefully calculate the mater. One mater should make two sandwiches….here we say sammiches. There should be just a little left on the bottom. Cut these pieces off and save for later.
    After eating the two sammiches then eat the remaining pieces as finger food.
    It’s now 5am. I was contemplating what’s for breakfast. Now you convinced me. A mater sammich is good anytime of day.
    And oh by the way. In a few weeks the Slocomb maters will be gone but not to worry. Then will come Sand Mountain maters around the first part of August. They almost as good.
    God really showed out when he made Slocomb and Sand Mountain Maters!
    Breakfast time!

    Reply
  16. Jocelyn - July 1, 2022 10:16 am

    Hilarious and soooo true. Duke mayonnaise rules. As do the big red beefsteak tomatoes made for ultimate tomato sandwiches.

    Reply
  17. Beth Wannamaker - July 1, 2022 10:24 am

    I LOVE IT!!!

    Reply
  18. Harriet White - July 1, 2022 10:41 am

    I really need to find a Slocomb tomato. I love tomato sandwiches.

    Reply
  19. Beth - July 1, 2022 10:47 am

    Ain’t that the truth!!!! God bless Slocomb tomatoes!!

    Reply
  20. Anne - July 1, 2022 10:53 am

    Northport tomatoes (my backyard) are showing off this year. Don’t cringe, but I like to put hummus on my multigrain bread along with some Italian seasoning.

    Reply
    • Susie - July 1, 2022 4:57 pm

      Yesss

      Reply
  21. Ann - July 1, 2022 10:54 am

    This is DELIGHTFUL!! If only I could find those beauties. 😂😂🍅

    Reply
  22. Vicki Palefsky - July 1, 2022 11:04 am

    I seriously would like to get a pint of my home made mayo to you. You are deserving and are clearly my brother from another mother. Write on, young man!!

    Reply
  23. Chuck - July 1, 2022 11:08 am

    Sir, Blue Plate is second to none. We can meet in the yard and settle it like gentlemen.

    Reply
    • Cap'n Dan - July 2, 2022 1:36 pm

      Make sure to have your medical insurance card and next of kin contact info in your purse. We meet at noon tomorrow.

      Reply
  24. Wendy Green - July 1, 2022 11:12 am

    I do Crossfit so I can eat as much Duke’s Mayo as I want.

    Reply
  25. Deloris Salter - July 1, 2022 11:17 am

    Best tomatoes in the world!!
    Thank you for your recognition of it!!
    Love your articles!

    Reply
  26. Pam Williams - July 1, 2022 11:28 am

    😂

    Reply
  27. Joe - July 1, 2022 11:45 am

    I attended your performance at Talladega last evening and you not only hold the title literary king you are blessed with a wonderful voice and have mastered the guitar. I was very impressed with your skills!

    Reply
  28. Rhonda - July 1, 2022 11:45 am

    My granny called them sink sandwiches. One if my cherished memories is of Ethel eating at the sink. Seems like she was always at the sink. 9 kids will do that to you. I have 4 Cherokee Purples growing in the front yard that hope to make it to sandwich heaven some day soon. Tried something new/old this year. Drop a banana in a quart jar of water and let sit for 3 days. Pour the water into your tomato plants. Its suppose to increase blooms and mine are covered this year. Don’t know if it was the nana but that is what the old seasoned farmer told me to do.

    Reply
  29. Leigh Amiot - July 1, 2022 11:51 am

    Look up Guy Clark on YouTube singing “Home Grown Tomatoes”— https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1-QzLIjL1u4

    Best tomato I ever ate was indeed one I grew. Organic is a very close second, even the Walmart carries those! I agree with you on good, old-fashioned Duke’s Mayonnaise, but it would be fun to see you and Chuck settle Duke’s vs. Blue Plate. 🤣

    Reply
  30. Terry Snell - July 1, 2022 11:53 am

    Well, if you are going to eat real tomatoes, drink real beer. Not that California stuff.

    Reply
  31. Brenda - July 1, 2022 12:07 pm

    Funny post and yes Dukes is the best!

    Reply
  32. Paul McCutchen - July 1, 2022 12:20 pm

    You described the process perfectly except for licking your fingers

    Reply
  33. Braxton - July 1, 2022 12:26 pm

    John’s Island maters may be equally as good.

    Reply
  34. Joy Jacobs - July 1, 2022 12:29 pm

    Being a northerner I’ve never eaten a tomato sandwich. Thanks for sharing the recipe. Doubt it would be on Pinterest. ❤️

    Reply
    • Marie from NC - July 1, 2022 1:33 pm

      Bless your heart Joy!! RUN, do not walk, to the nearest grocery store to get the bread and Mayo and scour the area till you can find an appropriate tomato!! If there are none in your area, purchase a ticket for the next plane out!!

      Reply
  35. Mac - July 1, 2022 12:30 pm

    Brings back memories of my mother who was born and raised in Andalusia, AL. She loved tomato samiches. So does my wife. I am the only one in my family that doesn’t like tomatoes and the good Lord knows I have tried. Love them any way but raw. It’s a shame cause they alway look so delicious, especially Slocomb tomatoes.

    Reply
  36. Katy Maddox - July 1, 2022 12:40 pm

    My ribs hurt and my funny bone is green stick broken, Sean! You should get a Pulitzer for this one- as a recent transplant to the Ham from said region of the Holy Grail, I’m gonna expire very soon unless I find either equivalent tomatoes or a crack cocaine dealer. It’s just not summer yet without them (she says as she plugs in the electric churn for homemade peach ice cream!).

    Reply
  37. Stick Miller - July 1, 2022 12:48 pm

    Great stuff Sean. I fight the Dukes vs Hellmans (lite) on a daily basis. I shall never surrender!

    Reply
  38. Annie - July 1, 2022 1:07 pm

    I actually shipped 3 bubble wrapped homegrown Elloree, SC tomatoes to my daughter working at Yellowstone NP about 30 years ago. Complete with Dukes and Merita bread!

    Reply
  39. James Key - July 1, 2022 1:08 pm

    Cute!

    Reply
  40. Jim Warren - July 1, 2022 1:17 pm

    Well said and absolutely true.
    You may want to make a sandwich with three pieces of bread. More mayo and more tomato that way. Try it.

    Reply
  41. Mary - July 1, 2022 1:20 pm

    Oh my! Definitely mouthwatering.

    Reply
  42. Judy - July 1, 2022 1:22 pm

    Somethings money can’t buy, true love and homegrown tomatoes!!!

    Reply
    • virginia westlake - July 1, 2022 5:50 pm

      Yes, John Denver!

      Reply
  43. Bkr - July 1, 2022 1:22 pm

    Hahaha!!! This made me laugh and I needed It this morning!! Thank you.

    Reply
  44. Eshanne - July 1, 2022 1:27 pm

    I had no idea how much I desperately neeeeeeeeded to read an entire piece about tomato and mayonnaise sandwiches. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It was like a prayer. So, amen and amen.

    Reply
  45. Lori - July 1, 2022 1:32 pm

    “manufactured and packaged by real evangelical seminary graduates so you know it’s sacred, mostly.” NOW I know why it is so different lol

    Reply
  46. Marie - July 1, 2022 1:38 pm

    Perfect tutorial!! We have one of these sandwiches pretty much daily with ‘maters from our garden. The tomato eatin’ season started last week!!

    Reply
  47. ALISON W BREWER - July 1, 2022 1:48 pm

    Small logistical correction: instead of eating over that sink, simply use a scottowels and eat over the kitchen counter. Much easier to retrieve those loose tomatoes!

    Reply
    • Karen - July 1, 2022 9:09 pm

      Sounds like delicious type of tomato. The only thing I do differently is toast my bread. Can’t do mushy bread.

      Reply
  48. JAMES W NEAREN JR - July 1, 2022 1:48 pm

    Too funny!

    Reply
  49. Charlsie M Johnston - July 1, 2022 1:51 pm

    Love love LOVE this one!!!! Only someone from the south and whose parents always had a garden big enough to feed a third world country and had to help harvest the fruits thereof unwillingly at the time will understand this sandwich….bravo Sean….bravo!

    Reply
  50. Rebecca Jackson - July 1, 2022 1:54 pm

    Priceless! Although Baldwin County, AL and Smith County, MS tomato lovers challenge you to taste their ‘maters and see if you change your opinion.

    Reply
  51. Diane Freeman - July 1, 2022 2:17 pm

    Yes! Truth!
    Don’t know about Slocomb tomatoes, but do know Cleburne County, Alabama tomatoes are to die for! I keep trying to grow a Trickum Valley tomato in the Florida Panhandle and just wasting my time!!

    Reply
  52. Delaine Dendy - July 1, 2022 2:22 pm

    Eight years ago I had throat cancer and now I can’t swallow-anything. What I would give for one of the tomato sandwiches you just described. My mouth is watering!

    Reply
  53. Sandra Jones - July 1, 2022 2:36 pm

    Every word true !!!!

    Reply
  54. Susan Marler - July 1, 2022 2:40 pm

    Thank you for making me drool and laugh at the same time this morning. Oh now I wa t a proper tomato sandwich!

    Reply
  55. Ruth Mitchell - July 1, 2022 2:41 pm

    Now, I know what I’m having for lunch! Perfect directions from a pro!

    Reply
  56. Paul Alge - July 1, 2022 2:42 pm

    Hey Sean there is nothing like a homegrown tomato samich And Dukes mayo is pretty good But you are so wrong about Kraft Mayo. Maybe because I was raised on it. But I’ve tried them all but always go back to Kraft. It’s the best. But finding homegrown tomatoes since I moved to Tn. is a problem. There hard to grow here. I tried for years. No matter what I do something happens. They get eaten by critters of all forms and sizes. Can’t blame them and I hope they have some Kraft Mayo and Sunbeam bread.

    Reply
  57. Linda Moon - July 1, 2022 2:46 pm

    Amen and Amen!

    Reply
  58. Deborah Perry - July 1, 2022 2:50 pm

    Sean, been meaning to tell you this for a while now … the Hungarian word for tomato, “paradicsom” is the same word they use for “Paradise,” also referencing Eden!

    Reply
  59. Mary Graddick - July 1, 2022 2:57 pm

    Truly, truly I say unto you, “THIS is the correct way to eat a Mater Samich!”

    Reply
  60. Gloria Rose - July 1, 2022 3:11 pm

    Alabama red tomatoes may be delicious but you also have to try a “pink” tomato from Warren, Arkansas.

    Reply
    • Jo Henra - July 2, 2022 8:46 pm

      Best “salad” I ever had was at the Capital Hotel Restaurant in Little Rock, AR – one huge slice each of red, pink and green tomatoes with some kind of heavenly dressing. Been years and I have never forgotten about it. South Alabama transplant living in St. Charles, MO now and the best tomatoes we can get are from Arkansas. We so get Georgia peaches – but you should have seen me when I came across a display of Chilton County peaches on top of Durbin Farms boxes. Took pictures o the store with tears streaming down my face!

      Reply
  61. Gail Eaves - July 1, 2022 3:24 pm

    The best! Duke’s only, Sunbeam or Wonder, s&p. Sop up the juice on the plate with that last bite of crust. Heaven.

    Reply
  62. Suellen - July 1, 2022 3:29 pm

    I found homegrown tomatoes at the Farmer’s Market last week. Paid a small fortune for them and stood in line for 20 minutes. I’ve been eating tomato sandwiches for lunch all week. Is it OK if I added some fried Spam to them? Hahahaha!

    Reply
  63. Catherine - July 1, 2022 3:32 pm

    Spectacular description of a tomato sandwich… start to finish!!!
    Thank you! Just Loved this one!!!

    Reply
  64. stephenpe - July 1, 2022 4:01 pm

    The wife just fried some ham and my sammich was like a BLT on speed. Lettuce, tomato and fried ham with some of that door knob lubricant my wife swears by. I do have some of the other stuff for me. Btw the tomato from Brother Guy’s garden in Newberry Fla has to be a close 2nd to Slocumbs finest……..after the ham was gone it was the tomato sammich you were describing…………

    Reply
  65. Jeanie Morelock - July 1, 2022 4:10 pm

    I look forward to reading your post every day! This one made me giggle out loud several times! I love your humor (even though I think Grainger County Tomatoes from East Tennessee are THE best!)

    Reply
  66. Jackie Lavin - July 1, 2022 4:16 pm

    Just jealous. So. Jealous.

    Reply
  67. Rene Bumgarner - July 1, 2022 4:26 pm

    Now THAT is a tomato sandwich. And my dear man, if that doesn’t get you a writing award, nothing will!!!

    Reply
  68. Dee Thompson - July 1, 2022 4:35 pm

    This one made me laugh heartily, several times! I can’t eat raw tomatoes because they give me indigestion but my mama loved homegrowns and my kids will eat them like apples!

    Reply
  69. Martha C Armstrong - July 1, 2022 5:04 pm

    Even my British “didn’t grow up on ‘Mater Sammiches and never had one ’til he married a Southern Girl” husband laughed heartily throughout this column. And then decided that we needed ‘Mater Sammiches for lunch. Fortunately, we’ve got a double sink!

    Reply
  70. Debbie g - July 1, 2022 5:29 pm

    Nothin in the world
    Have I found to taste better
    Than taters biscuits
    And ripe tomaters
    Think we should write poetry together???
    Absolutely am amazed by you Sean Dietrich
    Love you and Jamie
    And us all ❤️

    Reply
  71. Barbara J Schweck - July 1, 2022 5:34 pm

    I could actually taste the sandwich as you were describing it, feel the juice runnind down my chin and arms. Nothing better!!! Guess I have to make a run to the Farmers Market and the little grocery down the road!

    Reply
  72. SUE OSTERHOLD - July 1, 2022 5:35 pm

    We recently moved to Geneva, AL. LOVE THIS!!!

    Reply
  73. Martha Lisa Smith - July 1, 2022 5:52 pm

    This reminds me of my father! He could make 3 things… instant coffee, cheese toast, and tomato sandwiches! 🥰

    Reply
  74. CELIA E. HARBIN - July 1, 2022 6:09 pm

    Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! This is the funniest article I’ve ever read by you. I look forward to summer every year because you always write about luscious tomatoes and stained shirts.

    Reply
  75. Celia - July 1, 2022 6:13 pm

    Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! I’m still laughing over this one and it just may be the funniest article you’ve ever written next to when you took your wife and Mother-in-Law out to eat and they had platters of food and you had one tiny BBQ sandwich. I look forward to summer every year because you always write some great tomato sandwich stories.

    Reply
  76. vjwinton - July 1, 2022 6:19 pm

    Consequently, if all you have in your pantry is “gluten-free” or “keto” bread, please stop reading here and go back to California 😂

    Reply
  77. John Barrett - July 1, 2022 6:54 pm

    I do not appreciate you people eavesdropping on me while I eat. Take this as a warning before I put on a relatively clean shirt and go all 2nd Amendment on your commie ass!

    Reply
  78. Donald Rutledge - July 1, 2022 7:11 pm

    Pure. Sean unfiltered.

    Reply
  79. Patricia Gibson - July 1, 2022 7:37 pm

    🤣🤣🤣🤣Amen

    Reply
  80. Maggie - July 1, 2022 7:39 pm

    My Mama was born in Houston County, Alabama more than a century ago. I remember well her standing at the kitchen sink and eating a Columbia, Alabama delicious tomato. I have traveled extensively but have never gotten a better tomato or field peas either.

    Reply
  81. Carol - July 1, 2022 7:54 pm

    Another good one…LOVE ME A GOOD TOMATO SANDWICH!

    Reply
  82. Ines Dahne - July 1, 2022 8:49 pm

    Dear Sean, I love your books and kindhearted attention to detail. Thank you. This week, there were a few posts that gave me pause but I respect your desire to tell the world your view of things. Your gluten free comments however are hurtful. I have struggled with celiac disease for years. Many others do too. It is a tough condition that makes it a challenge to find a meal if you just want to go out and not inconvenience anyone and not be judged by someone labeling you as high maintenance. The tradeoff is a day in bed followed by days when you can’t leave the house because you’re afraid how far you can make it without a bathroom. I have no intention of moving to California.

    Reply
    • Sheryl Neal - July 2, 2022 2:55 pm

      I too have celiac (and I live in CA!) and took no offense at all. He obviously was referring to those who choose to be gluten free. In the daily struggles I have with celiac, what a delight to read this and enjoy a good belly laugh.

      Reply
  83. Cyndee - July 1, 2022 8:55 pm

    You are right! Nothing better than a good ole tomato sandwich

    Reply
  84. Robert Chiles - July 1, 2022 10:25 pm

    I agree with the lady who said that John’s Island tomatoes are just about as good. A little crisp bacon never hurt.

    Reply
  85. Kris Smith - July 1, 2022 10:30 pm

    Wonderfully written. Spot on as usual. Even incorporated Natural (Natty) Lights!!!

    Reply
  86. suzi - July 2, 2022 1:11 am

    I’m laughing so hard I can’t open the Dukes!!!

    Reply
  87. Nala Gradkowski - July 2, 2022 1:15 am

    Are you kidding me???? I can’t even remember when I had a tomato worth remembering!!! Lol
    But, I do know what it tasted like, and oh, how I wish I could have one again.

    Reply
  88. Amy Jones - July 2, 2022 1:50 am

    Spending summers with my grandparents in Dothan, it wasn’t until I was a full grown adult that I understood fully that tomatoes are not created equal. Until said time, I thought all tomatoes were the quality of Slocumb tomatoes because that’s all I’ve ever had the privilege to eat. I’ll be having me one of these tomorrow!!!!

    Reply
  89. Lynn - July 2, 2022 10:25 am

    The tomato has to be room temp or even fresh picked warm. Refrigerating it is sacrilegious. A cold ‘mater changes the whole dynamic.

    Reply
  90. Nancy Carnahan - July 2, 2022 3:30 pm

    I remember tomato sandwiches. We were poor and ate what we had. We sometimes had to take tomato sandwiches to school for lunch. If you don’t know what happens to white bread, mayonnaise, and tomatoes in the hours between construction and consumption, try making one and letting it set!
    I’m not celiac but I am gluten sensitive AND I’m allergic to tomatoes AND I live in California although I grew up in Alabama. Sandwiches, pizza, and pasta are difficult.
    If you have to buy tomatoes, let them set on the counter for a couple of days. They get riper and almost edible. Don’t put them in the refrigerator. It makes them weird.

    Reply
  91. Jo Rose - July 2, 2022 6:37 pm

    Spot on description of an an authentic Southern tomato sandwich – with one exception – you need a HANOVER TOMATO from Hanover County, Virginia!!

    Reply
    • Susan W Fitch - July 7, 2022 6:21 pm

      Jo Rose! You are so right! Hanovers and Duke’s mayo! YUM!

      Reply
  92. Rob - July 2, 2022 8:20 pm

    Brings back memories of roadside tomato sandwiches when traveling with my grandparents.

    Reply
  93. Bill from Montgomery - July 2, 2022 11:31 pm

    Let’s open another can of worms: do you peel the tomato, or do you leaving the peeling intact?

    Reply
  94. Pat - July 3, 2022 3:58 am

    Thanks, they may be the funniest thing I ever read.

    Reply
  95. Casie - July 3, 2022 8:20 am

    Who thought you to not make your sandwich right beside the sink to start with 😉

    Reply
  96. Teka Pierce - July 3, 2022 2:09 pm

    This is sooo darn good. Love it. Proper tomater sammich eating instructions are needed these days. So many around here now from “Off” that some how or nuther never heard of a tomater sammich. Poor souls. Then when ya tell ‘‘em about a bannaner one they lost their mind. Bless their heart.

    Reply
  97. Fulvia Petrelli - July 20, 2022 7:40 pm

    I may just go to Alabama for some tomatoes

    Reply
  98. Kay Quinton - July 21, 2022 12:57 pm

    Sean…I thought of you and this post as my friend ate his tomato sandwich! And the Mayo was dripping out of the side of the sandwich. It was an Indiana tomato sandwich!

    Reply
  99. Lori L - August 1, 2022 1:20 am

    Obviously you have never had an Indiana grown tomato. Since we don’t have access to Slocomb tomatos, I will have to say our Indiana beefsteak tomatos are the best! 😉 Try them if you ever get a chance. Our Hoosier hospitality is second to none!

    Reply
  100. Doug - August 3, 2022 11:37 am

    See, this is good, but to make a truly righteous tomato sandwich you need to add some Lay’s potato chips. Adds both salt and crunch. And not Ripples or barbeque or any other flavor chip, just original Lay’s chips.

    You’re welcome.

    Reply
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