Things my grandfather used to say:
Be nice; because if you’re not being nice, what are you being?
Don’t cut in line. Don’t interrupt. Don’t pout. Never, ever take the last biscuit.
Smile, it increases your face value.
The wise man knoweth how to dumb it down.
You can’t think your way into the right action, but you can act your way into the right thinking.
Try your hardest, do your absolute best, and when all else fails, cuss.
Always obey your mother when she is around.
Everyone should pee in his own backyard at least once.
Listen to the elderly, they’re smarter than you. Unless they are men.
Treat other people the way you want to be treated. If the Golden Rule were actually practiced today, there would be no karaoke bars.
You never know what a consummate ass you can be until you give someone else advice.
Never judge a Denny’s menu by the photographs.
Let him who is without sin throw the first boomerang.
Whenever something stinks, check your own diaper first.
Don’t point fingers unless you're standing in front of a mirror.
Always, always, always trust your gut.
a day with no mistakes in it, but you’ll change all that.
Be nice to kids, one day they’ll be running your nursing home.
When in doubt, do it the way your wife told you.
Never pass up an opportunity to hold a baby.
A good wife always forgives her husband when she is wrong.
‘Fess up when you mess up. Admit when you’re wrong. Don’t gloat when you’re right. And above all, don’t act like you know everything. Know-it-alls make life so incredibly difficult for those of us who actually do.
Change your oil before you think it needs to be changed.
Quit watching the news for 72 hours and just see how you feel.
Doctors don’t know everything. Neither do preachers. Neither…