A girl I like is in my class and I like her and wanna get her to like me, too. And I wanna figure out how to ask her out, but I’m a loser most of the time.
You couldn’t find anyone worse to ask for advice. Especially when it comes to this subject.
But believe me, you’re not a loser. You want to see a real loser? The guy writing you is someone who once got choked up asking a girl on a date and started referring to himself in the third person.
You must never refer to yourself in the third person. It makes you sound like a serial killer with mommy issues.
This is what I told her:
“Um, yeah, Sean Dietrich really wants to go on a date with you. Sean really likes you?”
Notice the question mark on the end of that last sentence, which made my voice slightly higher pitched. We can see from further grammatical analysis that I had forgotten how
to function in American society.
I ended up making such a fool of myself that she told me to get lost.
Anyway, do you know who I wish you could talk to? My grandmother. She would’ve been the right person to ask. She knew everything.
The only advice my grandmother ever gave when it came to the opposite sex was this:
“Treat her better than you’d treat your mother and you can’t lose.”
I can attest to this being true.
Something else I have learned about girls: It’s a bad idea to try to get them to notice you through strange and unusual means.
For example: Once, I followed my uncle’s advice and played guitar on a girl’s front lawn at one in the morning. I sang “Happy Together” by the Turtles.
As it happened, the…