Dadeville, Alabama—Lake Martin. Long ago, I once visited this magnificent Alabamian wonder after a major university pooped on me.
Let me explain:
I wanted to go to college. I wanted to be happy. I wanted to do something that mattered. I wanted to not feel like an adult loser with the IQ of a room-temperature pumpkin. I wanted to write.
After I finished community college, I applied to the aforementioned university. I made arrangements in a new city. I rented an apartment near campus. I placed one thousand bucks in a landlord’s hand.
That same week, I moved a vanload of furniture into the ugly apartment. My buddy, Lyle, strained his hamstring moving a sofa-sleeper that weighed more than a ‘64 Buick Skylark.
My wife hung curtains, I shampooed carpets, we painted, I stocked the fridge. I even bought two masculine, yet moderately floral-scented Yankee Candles.
My wife and I spent the night in that small apartment. I told her I was nervous about my first day of
class—I was a grown man, going to school with a bunch of teenagers.
“Relax,” my wife said to me. “Your turn’s coming.”
The next day, on the way to my first class, I passed kids carrying backpacks, covered in tattoos, with earrings embedded in various parts of their facial structure. I wore a button-down shirt and khakis, like Mister Rogers on his way to communion.
A kid on a skateboard shot past me. He hollered, “Whoops! Sorry, professor!”
Professor?
Before I got to class, a man met me in the hall, he had a grave face. I knew something was wrong. He told me the university had rejected my application.
“I’m sorry someone didn’t notify you,” he said. “They should’ve never let you register for classes.”
I was embarrassed. I explained that I’d already paid a lot of money for an apartment, bought…
