Birmingham—I am in the Hyatt Regency Hotel, overlooking the city. This hotel is a swanky joint. The bathrobes and bath towels are so plush my suitcase won’t latch.
Last night, I told stories to a room of Alabamian farmers’ wives in the hotel ballroom. They wore their nice clothes, I wore mine. We had a big time. Linguine with cream sauce was served.
On my way to the banquet, I met an old man in the hotel elevator. He was from Louisiana, visiting town for a funeral. His name was Elvis.
“Elvis?” I said. “That's your real name?”
"Yep," he said. "Only I’m ten years younger than the other one."
I shook his hand because I have always wanted to shake hands with Elvis.
Before we parted ways I told him what a pleasure it was meeting him.
He did his best impersonation of the King and said, “Thank you. Thank you very much.”
When I was a boy, I always wanted to be good-looking, but it never worked out. I was chubby, and plain, and I had a deep affection
for Moonpies. My strongest academic area was lunch.
I also wanted to be athletic, but that didn’t work out, either. Coach Watson put me at first base and I was awful. After a week, he created a new position just for me.
“You’re gonna be my right guard,” Coach explained.
“What’s a right guard do?”
“It’s a very important position, he sits on the right half of the bench and guards the water cooler.”
I wish I were kidding, but I’m not.
Back then, I just wanted to be noticed. All children do. Instead, I walked through childhood like a bowling shoe in a sea of penny loafers.
Until the annual talent show.
The talent show was when all fourth-graders were free to exercise their unique abilities. And mine was music. The only thing I could do was music.…
