I get a lot of mail in the form of letters, texts, emails, and subpoenas. Many of these messages are questions, which I am not always able to answer. So I’ve answered some here by compiling the most commonly asked questions. Let’s get started.
Q: Do you receive hate mail?
A: This is the Age of the Internet. Everyone gets critical mail. I get it all the time.
Q: Really? What do these people say?
A: I don’t want to talk about it.
Q: Did someone once Tweet about how your head was “unnaturally big for his body”?
A: Maybe.
Q: Did this tweet get thousands of responses from random strangers who agreed that your head was, indeed, prodigiously large?
A: Perhaps.
Q: How did that make you feel?
A: I measured my head in the bathroom mirror.
Q: So I thought you lived in Alabama, and then I read that you lived in Florida. Which state is it?
A: I live in Alabama. But I am from the Florida Panhandle, which is a unique region we natives lovingly refer to as L.A.
“Lower Alabama.”
Simply put, every truck in the neighborhoods of my youth had either an Auburn University bumper sticker or a tag for The University of Alabama. Also, I actually own a pair of camouflage underpants.
Q: Really?
A: They were a gift.
Q: So which team do you root for, Alabama or Auburn?
A: I may or may not have a tattoo of Nick Saban beneath my camo skivvies.
Q: You have frequently written that you don't like calling yourself a writer. Why?
A: Being a writer in America is one of those occupational categories nobody understands.
You know how when you’re a kid and your teacher asks what you want to be when you grow up? If you were gutsy enough to tell this teacher you wanted to be a writer, chances are she stared…